If this is the wrong group, please adjust.
I’m married to a Japanese woman (for 13 years), met in Japan while I was working at an eikaiwa. We have two kids 11 and 9 (both dual citizens) and we live in Toronto, Canada (I’m Canadian), I work, she does not. I did the whole teach English thing in the mid 2000s, met my future wife and stayed over there longer than I originally planned but did return home with a new daughter in 2010, I had enough with teaching and got a new job back home. My wife goes back to Japan every summer with the kids to visit family in Kyushu and has been doing this since the kids were little. Over the last little while, her itch to go back to Japan has been growing and growing, I can’t fault her because all her family is there.. and she wants to be closer to her parents and see them more often, I get it. She’s made a lot of amazing friends here and the kids are pretty settled in school on the flip side.
Not that I’ve received an ultimatum to go back to Japan but it’s getting close I feel. I work (also WFH) for one of the big Canadian banks (non IT role), make a very good salary but who doesn’t have a branch office in Japan so that conversation can’t happen… my Japanese is rudimentary at best, can interact in social settings and that’s about it.
Now I’m not opposed to going back to Japan, for some amount of time, but I’m the main income earner, despite my wife’s claims that she’ll get a job in Japan.. Me going to Japan with no work prospect is financial suicide and sure as hell don’t want to live at her parents’ place while “looking” – it’s also on the other side of the country from Tokyo, where, from i what I understand, is really the only place for foreign nationals to really work. Haven’t even discussed how to move stuff overseas, we even have pets, or any tax implications, financial impacts.. it’s all a giant headache
Anyone out there with a similar experience?
10 comments
Honestly, this sounds like it’s better suited to r/relationship_advice than here. While you do have a few Japan-specific issues, the biggest problem here is the ultimatum (whether it has been actually presented or just exists in your head)
I’m not going to address the relationship side of things.
>I work (also WFH) for one of the big Canadian banks (non IT role)
You could, in *theory* continue with your current job. Maybe. Canadian banking laws/company policies may prevent that. Check with your current employer.
You don’t mention what you actually do, so it’s impossible to give any specific advice on your career.
>it’s also on the other side of the country from Tokyo, where, from i what I understand, is really the only place for foreign nationals to really work.
Not even remotely true. There are certainly *more* jobs for foreigners in Tokyo, but… It’s Tokyo. There are more jobs *period* in Tokyo. But plenty of us live/work outside of Tokyo.
>Haven’t even discussed how to move stuff overseas, we even have pets, or any tax implications, financial impacts..
Talking about that would be a good start. Take a look at our [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/movingtojapan/wiki/index/), which covers the basics of a lot of those concerns.
If you are WFH there, why can’t you WFH in Japan?
I have half your problem. I’m currently in that transition. 6 month old daughter. Met wife and lived in LA a few years, moved back to hometown in texas to save money to have a kid (ironically got pregnant a month after move). Wife got sick from pregnancy and hated my suburb of dallas, now we’re in process of move to Tokyo. Fortunately her parents lived in suburb of Tokyo, so that isn’t too bad, but we’ve been staying with them until I can actually move at end of year (current lease will expire).
Fortunately I can work remotely as contractor, although tax wise it is a huge pain in the pass. My Japanese is on same level as yours. I’ve been thinking about possible side employment here, but unfortunately it might be my only options are to sell my soul and teach english or spend a year learning IT.
I have many other reasons for wanting to relocate here from the US, so it wasn’t exactly her decision or ultimatum other than not wanting to live in somewhere not California (access to many Japanese stores/food), so I didn’t have much choice.
Unfortunately she is one of those doesn’t want to work and we kind of agreed on that aspect when we’d have a kid. We get by barely on my income at least, but it would be nice to have another 10K or so a year so I’d have a little bit more options when searching for an apartment. Honestly the killer in apartment searching is having a dog. You basically narrow your apartment search down from like 300 results to 10 in an area. Fortunately my dog is smallish so it might not restrict us even more in where we can move and I already started the process a month ago of importing her. Speaking of which, it takes about 7 months start to end so you better get on that ASAP.
My main advice is to continue having open communication with your wife and to both make your expectations clear. It’s easy to just “hope” your partner understands what you’re feeling but this just isn’t always the case. (This is just general relationship advice. And something that has helped with mine.) It does sound like you’re communicating well and just working out the details. Continue to listen while sharing your hopes and fears as well. It sounds like you’re going to find a solution together that works.
It seems to me that getting your work to let you make the move would be great. Perhaps just keep at them. They might say no right away but a move to Japan might be different from the Caribbean. And moving might be acceptable depending on certain positions and circumstances.
No matter what happens job wise, it’s going to have its challenges so continue to connect with your partner and support each other.
End of the day, you’re bringing in the income – Your opinion on this is just as valid, heck even moreso considering.
Open communication is key, but do not feel as though you have no say in this – You do.
Hey op, I’m in very similar situation. Live in Vancouver and work for a Canadian bank. Have a daughter and wife wants to return to Tokyo. So do I actually. I hate living here.
From my perspective, I think it would be a cold day in hell before a Canadian bank would allow you to work from home in another country.
I think after selling our home we could use the income from our portfolio to supplement whatever we make from working. My only options are really to teach English. The idea of teaching for a couple of years sounds nice to me, as my job I find very stressful and I no longer enjoy it.
However, teaching English in the long run is just not an option I can considered. I started get into music licensing and have started generating an income doing that, but it’s slow. In about 4 years I think it will be something.
It’s a tough position you are in. I would try to see if there is anything else you can do from home. Maybe there are some other skills you have you could use that you have not considered yet.
Tokyo is great for jobs and all, but Kyushu still has Fukuoka which actually is amazing for all kinds of work suitable for foreigners. many jobs especially programming and probably a bunch of startups/fintechs too.
I’d say your main problem is not going to be to find a job, but you’re almost definitely gonna take a financial hit. on the other hand, if she has her family support there, how’s the housing situation? could her parents have a place for you (not their own house) or be able/willing to chip in to buy property? don’t forget that compared to Tokyo and especially to Canada houses are going to be super cheap in Kyushu, especially once you get a bit further away from the main cities. this is just imo, but when you have a house and family support, you’re going to be living a much more comfortable life in Japan compared to anywhere else even if you consider the lower wages.
What do the kids think? Can they even speak Japanese? It’s tough on kids to move at that age (speaking from experience age 8 and 13). They are old enough to at least let them express their excitement or fears about moving
If you’re not opposed to living in Japan, I recommend looking into openings at banks/banking companies in Japan, as well as other international companies where your experience could potentially translate over.
For example, if you’re involved with coming up with new product ideas, perhaps you could look into Producer roles at tech companies like amazon/google etc?
[removed]