Is it impolite or inappropriate to say goodnight to a Japanese woman I am romantically interested in by saying Oyasumi to utsukushii yume? I’m 46, she’s 34.

9 comments

1. just say oyasuminasai. Stick to the script or you’re a weirdo

2. [deleted]

3. In any case, it’s just unnatural Japanese, although understandable you wouldn’t say “utsukushii yume”, it would be unnatural as saying something like “Have intriguing and enjoyable dreams” – it’s understandable but just sounds weird to a native speaker.

4. kimo.

5. と　means “and” when it is between two nouns. おやすみ(なさい) isn’t a noun, so syntactically this phrase doesn’t compute right away and is hard to follow. And strictly speaking, it does not translate to “Good night and beautiful dreams”, though it is easy to deduce what you are trying to say as an English speaker learning Japanese. Syntactically it would be correct to say, おやすみ。そして、美しい夢を
   It would still be weird though because Japanese don’t talk like that.

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6. The natural way to say it would be, “おやすみなさい
   そして、すてきなゆめを” or “oyasuminasai soshite, suteki na yume o”.

   My boyfriend (Japanese) said that she may find it cute and feel flattered that you tried to speak her language. 🙂

7. Women are put off when you try to be something you’re not. And rightfully so.

   If you’re not Japanese, you shouldn’t try to act Japanese. You should act as yourself.

   Besides, if it’s not impolite for you to say that to an American or European woman, then it’s not impolite to say it to anyone. End of story. The requirement that we should somehow conform to the culture of everyone we interact with, is absurd. With globalization, it’s simply impossible to do. There are too many inter-cultural interactions. Really? I’m supposed to learn the intricacies of what is considered polite or inpolite in Papua New Guinea, before I dare talk to someone from there? How silly. How patronizing that would be of me, as well…to think that this woman couldn’t possibly understand the concept of cultural differences.

   Globalization can only work if we all agree to let things like this slide. If we’re all allowed to be ourselves, and if we trust each other to understand this.

   The onus here is on her to understand that you’re not Japanese. Just as you wouldn’t demand that she act like a westerner (or wherever you’re from), she shouldn’t expect that you act Japanese. And I bet she doesn’t. In the off chance that she does … well then give up, because she only dates Japanese men. That’s her problem, not yours.

   P.S. I have a feeling you know all this, and maybe just asking out of curiosity? Not because you intend to try to follow Japanese customs?

8. おやすみ is preferable from male to female.
   Being too polite is I believe is coined 寝日本語. Not a flattering comment

   Edit: must be few men who have female girlfriends downvoting today. 「なさい」is dropped after a few days or sooner. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it wrong. To many herbivores.

9. 46 and 34 is what mostly caught my eye