It's time for the finale – B Block's penultimate matches just concluded, and I have about four hours of sleep. LET'S FUCKING DO THIS.
—– 10 POINTS: UNFORTUNATELY, EL PHANTASMO NOT HERE —–
David Finlay (Still the Charisma Vacuum Of the War Dawgs) 5-3 – At the top of the tables, it's the IWGP Global Champion. Which we still don't know what that means – Finlay has yet to go fuckin' anywhere. Either way, he's got El Phantasmo for his final match, and between you and me, I want good ol' ELP to rip his fucking head off. (E! L! P!)
Jeff Cobb (The Only Guy On Ten That I Want To Be There) 5-3 – Stupid sexy Cobb is up next on ten after eating a loss to the aforementioned David Finlay. There's very little else to say – he's super fucking good, and I want to see him in the G1 finals just so I can see him wrestle more.
Ren Narita (Audibly Made Me Shout "WHY?!" When He Beat HENARE – It Wasn't Fun To Explain To My Father) 5-3 – Oh, bollocks to it all. After House of Torture-ing his way to a win over HENARE, Narita now sits on a sweet ten points. However, against a desperate 4-4 Takeshita, he has his work cut out for him to secure the playoff spot.
—– 8 POINTS: THE TIEBREAKER NIGHTMARE —–
Konosuke Takeshita (The Only Man I Will Still Love After Killing El Phantasmo) 4-4 – First up on the chopping block, it's the guest from DDT and that promotion we all pretend is literal Hitler. Takeshita ate the ol' KAMIKAZEEEEEEE from Boltin Oleg tonight, so he's gotta take home the two points on the 14th to stand any sort of chance – but there's a lot of tiebreakers at play too.
Yuya Uemura (SAY HIS NAAAAAME, AND HE APPEARS – HE'S YUYA UEMURA. CLAP. CLAP.) 4-4 – Yuya stays in the hunt with a win over many people's favourite to take the whole tournament, Yota Tsuji. A playoff spot is a possibility if he can beat Oleg on the final night and get some tiebreaker help.
Yota Tsuji (Bet You Had Him On Your Playoff Prediction Cards, Huh?) 4-4 – I almost want this guy to get eliminated early just to fuck everyone's brackets, including my own. Tsuji's loss to Uemura mirrored their Wrestle Kingdom match and it is ROUGH for his playoff potential. Can he take on the mammoth of Jeff Cobb and get lucky with the tiebreakers?
Hirooki Goto (Made His Kids Do Homework On G1 Night – What A Bastard) 4-4 – And finally on the bubble, it's everybody's favourite New Japan Dad, Hirooki Goto. No, I see you typing furiously – he's a New Japan Dad and we all need to accept it. Goto is still in the hunt, but ELP beating him makes him a super unlikely hope.
—– 6 POINTS: AH, BOLLOCKS TO IT —–
El Phantasmo (I Had This Guy In the Playoffs – Fuck Me, I Guess) 3-5 – All that ol' Fantazzy(can I call him that?) can really hope for at this point is to actually, literally, and on live television, murder David Finlay and ruin that cunt's chances of making the playoffs. I would actually enjoy that and am enjoying it the more I think about it, so let's quickly move on.
HENARE (HENARE stands for "Big Fucking Strong Bastard", Probably. I Didn't Learn English In School) 3-5 – With his L to Ren Narita (let's be real, it's a loss to the entire House of Torture), HENARE has been eliminated from the tournament. With a final match against Hirooki Goto, I hate to say it, but we might all be hoping for a final loss for HENARE…
Boltin Oleg (Actually Really Fucking Good – Who Knew) 3-5 – "A lot of people just lost out in their pick'ems, Callum." Yeah, no shit! Unfortunately, it's a double bill of young boys getting eliminated early, first with Callum Newman and now with Boltin Oleg. However, he did upset the fuck out of Konosuke Takeshita, and with his final match against playoff contender Yuya Uemura, who knows how many brackets he's about to ruin?
by DJ_Aftershock
