I (female) am happily married to a Japanese man. He was born in Japan, went to college abroad, and moved back to Japan for work. He speaks English fluently and we get along really well.
One thing that keeps coming up, though, are my friends. Specifically, my male friends from back home. The friendships have always been platonic – there was never an inkling of physical/emotional attraction. Some of them are married. Some are gay. Unfortunately, my Japanese partner finds it really weird that I have any friends of the opposite gender.
I don't have many male friends – just a handful, each from different friend groups. I don't talk to my male friends regularly and I see them maybe once a year or two, usually when I visit back home or they visit Japan. I end up hanging out with a male friend one-on-one sometimes because they're traveling alone, my husband's at work, no other friends are available, etc. My Japanese partner doesn't stop me from doing this, but it's clear that he's not happy.
I know platonic friendships with the opposite gender are not as common in Japan, but how do I help my Japanese partner understand? He says he worries… but about what? I explained countless number of times, reassured him, shared my location, text him consistently about what I'm up to, etc. but he still doesn't get it! At this point, I feel like he doesn't trust me (for no good reason). I don't want to lose my precious friends. Has anyone dealt with this? If you were in my position, how would you deal with it?
Edit for clarification: I'm not making new male friends. The male friends I'm referring to, I've been friends with for 10+ years. They're more like my brothers, if anything. I try to not see them one-on-one because of my husband's view on this, but it's unavoidable sometimes (unless I completely give up on seeing them).
Edit2: Some have been quick to jump to divorce or separation. I can't explain every aspect of my relationship with my husband, but we are generally very happy together and I wouldn't leave him for something like this. A huge thanks to everyone who's given me thoughtful input and suggestions.
Edit3: I won't be able to reply to everyone because my husband got out of work early and we're going to go eat yakiniku. Thanks again for all your comments.
Last edit: My husband and I read through the thread together. He actually commented – it's buried down there somewhere! We had a good discussion, and some laughs. Thanks all.
by Downtown_Amoeba_8252