How did you know you had lost your long-term interest in (living in) Japan?

35 comments

1. For me, the two do or die moments I had was getting into grad school right after English teaching and finding a job after graduation. Had neither of those turned out favorably, I wouldn’t be in Japan.

   I don’t think I really truly integrated into Japanese culture. The only difference between me and back home in the USA is that I found a job here that actually pays a livable wage given the living standards. If I were back home in NorCal, I’d probably have to live with my parents because I don’t work for a FAANG company and places that match my skillset like Intel don’t pay crap and are at risk of losing all business to Asia. But I stopped caring. So long as I can eat and continue my hobby of riding my bicycle around, I can be easily satisfied.

   I also stopped caring about being on top. In the past, all the way up to PhD graduation, I held the hopes of being some world class researcher, discovering new things to the scientific community, publishing lots of papers to prestigious Journals like Nature, and Physical Review. I gave all that up and now I work as a software engineer developing features and fixing bugs. I’ll never be on track to win a Nobel prize in a field of science at my current job. But despite my current job being a far cry from my original dreams, I’d have a much lower salary if I stayed in Academia.

2. Maybe Japan just isn’t your thing. In my case my “home country” wasn’t my thing and that’s why I’m not there anymore. I think there’s no place on earth where I’d be 100% happy, every country has pros and cons some more and some less you just need to decide which cons you can live with.

3. Welcome to real life!!
   You made the choice to not yearn for the next trip to Japan and just live it. That took a lot of commendable effort and you’re the envy of everyone who wants to be you. Now that you’ve made it, you can’t give up for how far you’ve come.

   Imagine where you’d be if you stayed in your home country. Would you be stuck at a suck job just to pay the bills and sit on the couch watching Netflix every night? Yeah, that sounds crappy compared to where you are now.

   You got off the plane, 4 months passed and many more will pass if you continue to have an identity crisis. Set some attainable career goals that can pay the bills, accept that your salary won’t be the best but know you’ve got it better than back home.

4. I think you’re just experience the ~~annui~~ ennui that comes with entering middle age or.. quarter/mid life? Growing distant from friends, losing connection with family, realities of life piling on and all that. For most people in who stayed in their own country, they’d just grow jaded but realise that that’s just life. However, because you moved to another country in your adulthood, you kinda have another plausible target to blame.

   I have a feeling that whatever you’re feeling now, you’ll probably feel it just as much, if and when you move back to your home country. A probable plus side is that being in closer proximity with your family or social support might make it easier to deal with, though.

5. I’m much much less interested in living in Japan and Japan in general than when I moved here.

   But I enjoy my quality of life and it’s just become “normal” to me to the point that I would never think of leaving and going back home (US) or anywhere else really.

6. There were ups and downs, just like in any place or relationship, but then there was that one thing…

   I was writing my Master’s dissertation and to complete one sub-topic I’ve had to talk with different men about women. How they see women, and so on. Something broke in me after all I heard and now I’m certainly not a long stayer anymore. I’ve become disillusioned and disappointed and just can’t unsee or rather unfeel it now.

7. When you felt obligated to ask this question.

8. Japan is not for everyone.
   Some adapt, some will stay for a few years and leave, others will leave immediately, and some will stay forever.

   I have been in Japan for over 18yrs. I’m 3rd gen Japanese and have PR.
   Lived in many parts of Japan (Shiga, nagoya, kariya, toyohashi, shizuoka, saitama, etc), and I decided that it’s time to do something and change it. I decided that I will move to France or Portugal next year. I work from home, so it won’t be a problem for me.

   Remember that if you just think about it but never do anything about it you will always get the same result.

   Life is short, if you don’t like something there’s always new opportunity and new things to try.

9. I originally came to here to meet someone, I never started out with any real interest in Japan. My first years here were often very frustrating. Over time I settled into a life that has become very comfortable and I get along well with most of the Japanese people I deal with on a daily basis. I went from pretty much no interest in Japan at all to a very comfortable life here that I am perfectly content to keep.

10. The vending machine on my street raised the price of tansan from 100 to 110 a couple weeks back. I’m putting my affairs in order as we speak.

11. I haven’t. My home country is a festering pile of sloppy, lukewarm shit. Fuck going back there.

    Did the novelty wear off? Sure. Is my quality of life better? You bet your ass it is. Did I meet my SO and build a life worth living here? You’re goddamn right.

    I suggest getting laid.

12. You are officially out of the “honey moon”

13. You’re not going to get any replies from people who left Japan btw, mods would remove those comments.

14. The first few years, I was constantly thinking about giving up and leaving and did not like it here. Once my Japanese became fluent and made a decent pay, everything else about life in Japan just naturally worked out. I’ll prob be here permanently cuz I like the stability and convenience.

15. If you’re living in Japan and it doesn’t make economic sense, even if you still find it exciting, you should leave.

16. I’ve lived in many countries and for me it’s always death by a thousand cuts. Don’t overthink it and start planning your departure, be it tomorrow or in 2 years. You need a realistic plan either to go home or to another place, and then do it.

17. Being denied permission to start my own business.

18. I’m here for some years now and I don’t really like it. And will probably leave in the near future. To put it simple, it’s not really as good as people say it is. It’s very good for travelling and leisure but not so much for long term stay or work imo.

    Japanese culture and society is very reluctant to change and stubborn, small things can become really hard, useless dumb rules that don’t make sense, people doing things just for the sake if it, you’re a gaijin forever it don’t matter if you have citizenship or not, police treat you like illegal refugees, and people generally have a “superiority complex”, (oh you come from poor bad country that’s why you come here you gaijin) especially if you’re Vietnamese or brown skinned. Once we came out of a konbini, with 4 friends, 2 Asians, 1 white and 1 Japanese national. The Japanese guy had a Pakistani dad and spoke very little Japanese, (grew up in Canada), had brown skin and curly hair, nothing like a Japanese. The police searched him and dragged him back into the konbini to make sure he didn’t steal rice balls. In some countries the police can be sued, but I guess it’s japan so it’s ok.

    These are things that you see once you’ve actually lived here long enough. But then why is your original intention to come here though? To get a PR? I mean seriously, if your goal is to get a PR in a country you’ve never even lived in before, only read about it on the net and hear say from people, I think you have to reevaluate your goals. What is it you really want, a good life? There’re tonnes of places around the world which can give you a good life, in Europe, around Asia, the US, it CAN be japan but it can ALSO be somewhere else. I mean japan is a certainly a developed and “good” country but on which criteria are you comparing it with? If you come from country X or Y which has been in absolute poverty and constant civil war for the past 20 years then a lot of countries can become greener pastures.

    This will probably get downvoted to shit but who cares, it’s my opinion, you asked for it and I gave it. Good luck.

19. “And Alexander wept, seeing as he had no more worlds to conquer.”

    This has been true for me, at least. After a few years here, living in Japan was no longer an adventure. I didnt even realize what had happened until I saw some younger exchange students, their eyes all lit up and excited. They had big dreams about wanting PR too, or the big job, or making it as a content creator, etc. I used to have a lot of dreams like that too, and seeing them made me feel quite sad actually.

    I didnt feel bitter, I just felt old. I kinda did all the things I wanted to do. I *did* pass N1, I *did* get the all-japanese speaking job, I *did* get invited to the cool exclusive parties or the weird backalley restaurants that foreign people usually dont know about. There are some goals I didnt accomplish, like getting PR or buying a country house, but those were goals I made before I was where I am now, and from where I am now, they arent as desireable.

    There is though a very real space in my mind/heart/whatever where all those dreams used to lie. Unless you can replace them with something else, it can be very jarring and upsetting.

    Some people replace them with stuff that is here, like a family or a new business. Some have had loftier goals since the beginning, and they have a few more years until they end up emotionally where I am at now. But for those of us whos only goal was to “explore/get to know Japan”, we can achieve that pretty early.

    I did replace my Japan dreams with something else along the way, but its something that will take me out of Japan in the next few months. That was a hard pill to swallow, honestly, because it felt like I was– as you said– betraying my younger self. I cant say for sure, but I imagine this sort of dream-switching happens a lot over the course of our life, but this first one is the hardest to let go of, because like a first-love we sort of think that itll be forever. Letting go of it feels very unpleasant.

    If you are finding yourself with these sorts of thoughts, it may be good to look into things and see if you have any other sort of dream. You might not– I didnt for a few years– in which case, maybe its time to do a bit of self exploration. Alternatively, you can just sort of… pick something else you want to do, arbitrarily. Thats what I did. Again, like first-loves versus third or fourth loves, your falling in love moment will likely be more practical and less intense. More like a steady pulse instead of a lightning bolt.

    Maybe itll be something that keeps you here, maybe it wont be. But youre right that theres no point in trying to relive an old feeling. Japan will never be as magical as when you first landed here. You leaving and coming back probably highlighted this for you, like me seeing the exchange students did for me. I think it makes sense to mourn that, but you cant resist the flow of time. Youve got to keep changing and looking forward in *some* direction.

20. I loved Japan as a tourist and visited almost yearly. Then one year, I quit my job and decided to live there for just 2 months like a local to experience what life there is like and whether I could acclimatize before making any major moves to live there.

    I have to admit I didn’t like it. The disillusionment set in pretty fast for me. Just signing the lease for my apartment I needed to get a Japanese male to vouch for me, even though I speak Japanese and paid for everything and more upfront. And what’s wrong with a Japanese female? Are they considered ‘less than’ males?

    I also learned from the locals and expats that their salary were pretty low and prospects for women to advance were few. Everyone I met didn’t seem too happy with their situation — and I tried my best to meet people from all walks of life. I also felt an atmosphere of dread, whether in the city or inaka. This is not something I feel back home and in other countries where I’ve lived.

    So it was sayonara for me after the 2 months. I still go back as a tourist once a while but I won’t consider living there again.

    Tldr: It’s okay to change your mind. But as others have said, it’ll be good to figure out whether the ennui is a deeper personal issue, or is related to Japan specifically.

21. Every country has it’s pros and cons and the novelty of a place wears off after a while.

    I was very interested in learning the culture and the language but I now have very little interest in that aspect of Japan life. I’ve been here for a total of about 8 years and I think I lost a lot of the interest after about 4 years.

    I still feel Japan has many perks compared to the US but there are also frustrations. I passed N1 a while ago but I still can’t communicate nearly as well as I can in English, so a part of me wants to be in an English speaking environment. But I don’t know if I could find a job as good back home.

    One piece of advice, it’s OK to change course and that doesn’t mean you lost anything, rather it means that you’ll have a unique perspective on whatever you pursue next because of your unique background. I think you should always try to pursue some sort of goal to some sort of top though, while enjoying the present of course.

22. There are lots of things I love about Japan. Lots of thinks I hate, just like my home country.

    There was a point where I was interfacing with a lot of the aspects I didn’t like, and I heavily considered moving back.

    One thing led to another, the things I didn’t like about Japan I was able to not have as consistently in my life and the positives weighed out the negatives of my home country.

23. For me it’s the other way around. I went back home after missing the place etc. and after a few days it reminded me of why I left. Couldn’t be happier with my decision to root in Japan.

24. My home country continues to get worse and worse lately it seems, so I have no desire to go back. I don’t love everything about Japan but my quality of life is pretty great here and the longer I live here the more I appreciate that.

25. I had this feeling and I was forcibly transferred back to the USA for three years and came back . Life in the USA was just too much.

    Constant worries about money, safety of my wife and kids, services sucked etc etc etc

    I am comfortable here and realized being satisfied with your self and your stage in life can bring its own contentment.

26. I am experiencing the same phase as we speak. Being on my 6th year already, this place has lost its initial charm on my eyes.

    I think a lot of people (probably including me) had had really high expectations before moving in. Let’s be honest, Japan has an incredible soft power and brand image (even for those that are not obsessed with anime or Japanese girls) so a lot of people kinda expect to find a “paradise” here.

    Thus, every time I go back to my home country, I realise how much I miss: the spontaneity of meeting friends without having to make plans 1-2 weeks in advance, the small talks by total strangers in customer service or in the street, the beautiful southern European summertime, not getting offended by even the smallest thing possible, family, friends, and so many more things.

    Now, I am still not ready to go back as I will definitely face other challenges there, so I decided to “go with the flow”, just enjoy the present, keeping my expectations low and see how it goes.

27. Went to university in Japan, got my bachelor’s with all the japanese kids. Had a great time. Got a job in Tokyo (yuck), worked and had friends from college to hang with. Still fine.

    I more or less quit drinking regularly.

    Then found almost everything around me intolerable, and conversation with Japanese coworkers and 飲み友 became tedious and uninteresting.

    Speak the language fluently but don’t care to use it unless it’s with close friends or my significant other. Will be moving to South East Asia next month and can’t wait to finally terminate my 住民票 next week! Woo!

    I don’t know if it was just quitting booze, but it’s been a couple years since then and I despise most aspects of living in Japan at this point. Who knows.

28. I waffle back and forth. In spite of a rough patch now, I plan to stay. I’ve only got a couple more years until I hit 10 years of paying into pension, so I’m staying at least until I can get that (assuming it exists when I’m old enough).

    I hate working Japanese bosses (at least the one’s I’ve had so far). I also don’t have nearly N1 or anything (though I’d love to take time off and just go back to school to get it). I despise some of the bureaucracy and inflexibility.

    Still, those don’t outweigh all the stuff I love about Japan. I still plan to buy a house and retire here, but we plan to travel. We may, if possible, have a summer house in Canada or something. I have zero desire to live in the US again.

29. I am edging my way out, but there’s still some things I want to experience before I do, and some hurdles I want to clear. Then maybe I’ll go home, make a shit ton more money for the same work, and live that dream of coming and going as I please, with my beautiful Japanese wifey willing and able to join me working remotely from wherever we want, she of course free with her own goals and preferences, not just expected to follow me around. Sigh, one can dream.

30. Well, IMHO there isn’t a perfect place, a perfect country you know, and although I don’t love Japan as much as I love my home country, I’m ok about living here, I’ve my reasons why I do so and I just gotta accept that every place has its flaws.

    Don’t get me started on some shit that happens in here, the same way I can’t ignore some crap back home. In the end, you just gotta compare the pros and cons of where you wanna stay and choose the one that is better or the one more acceptable!

31. I’ve spent 3 years in college here plus 25 years working. I’d move to a tropical country or the USA west coast if my wife would leave….but she won’t….so I spend about 3-5 months in the US by myself at my vacation home. I mostly fish and feed the wildlife but I’m happy in the woods. Then I come back here.

32. Honestly, when the police stopped me for no reason.

    I thought “Oh damn I might go back to my country”.
    And I also thought “Oh… I might go back to my country”.

33. I’ve been in Japan for almost 8 years now. 4 years of college, 3/4 years of working full-time. It won’t shock anyone to say that life is a lot, LOT better during college years compared to working full-time here.

    I have what most would consider a pretty interesting job. It’s not English teaching, and the pay is decent. I sometimes think I could stay in Japan forever, but it’s very much gotten to the point where there’s nothing special about it anymore. I go to work and sometimes I’ll go out in the weekends. For me, I hate crowds though, and I live in Tokyo. That’s a pretty abysmal combination. I want to go out when I’m not working, but knowing EVERYWHERE I go is going to be filled with families, couples, and slow-walking elderly people, I don’t even want to go anywhere anymore.

    I’m originally from Ireland, so there’s two things I miss that truly make me want to go back. One is the average weather level. (I hate Japan summer with a passion…) Two is the quietness. I can go outside in Ireland and find places with not a single person around me. Unless I want to go on a trip specifically to the middle of nowhere, there’s borderline impossible in Japan.

    Will I miss some aspects of Japan when I go back? Of course. Convenience stores, clean streets, kind customer service, safety/reliability of not being robbed…SO many things. Yet, it’s not enough to keep me here forever.

    At some point, you just have to really weigh everything together. Do you WANT to be here, or are you just here because of some convenient points. If you’ve stopped wanting to travel and see stuff in Japan, you’re more than likely just here because you worked hard and don’t want to feel like you’re throwing it all away…OR you just like the comfort.

34. When I realized that I would never accept to raise a kid here (male or female), and seen the construction materials used to build what they call a house I knew that I would never have a place that I call home. Going back next month

35. the umaibo went from 100 to 120 yen. 20% inflations