Adapting to Japanese Beauty Standards – advice?

23 comments

1. Yes, masks plays huge part. Try to peek to any restaurant like mcd and you will see their true face.

   Another big factor is hairstyle yeah, almost all of them equipping default japanese ponytail hairstyle, you can go to salon and ask for it.

   While at it you can purchase those skin colored tights too, that’s what almost everyone is wearing.

   A bit of effort might be nice tbh, but don’t overspend on it because no one actually cares so much about stranger’s appearance.

2. I know others might say different, but my vote is for you do you. People do care about appearances here and if that’s your happy place, go to it. College kids in Tokyo these days are more concerned about buying a 4 man-en bag than having only 90-en in their bank account. But if it’s not, focus on what makes you happy. You are not them whether you are a foreigner or not.

   When I first started living here I was so concerned about people looking at me and what kind of people those were and obviously I realized I was people watching just as weirdly as those shmucks were too. I found my happy place doing what I liked, reading books is more important than a train stare lol

3. One of the nice things about being foreign is that you’re not really expected to conform to social standards here. So do what you want.

   Also, once the newness of the country wears off you’ll notice a lot more average girls. And I’m not saying that as a bad thing, not at all. Average is lovely, wonderful. Hell, I prefer “average” as a lot of the “exceptionally beautiful” girls achieve that with a literal fuckton of make-up. Just – don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s not a competition, and even if it were, it’s not yours to lose.

4. Most women here have been trained from birth that they must be pleasant to look at, since that’s their societal role: be pretty, quiet, and agreeable. You can find tons of news reports about forced makeup, heels, and contacts (I.e. glasses bans for women but not men) in companies. Women see it as their societal duty to spend all their time on their appearance rather than their hearts or minds. They’d rather die than be perceived as “unattractive” by anyone. This environment breeds cold, narcissistic people. Don’t let that suck you in.

5. Everyone has their strength and weaknesses. Japanese women have their makeup, foreign ones have boobies. Play your strengths, not your weaknesses.

6. I never tried. I am clean, I groom myself, etc. but I don’t spend much on makeup and was never really raised to follow beauty standards, so in here I felt like it was such a steep climb – and I didn’t feel comfortable with it. A few mom friends have expressed the desire to doll me up but I generally just laugh it off and for the most part no one has ever commented on it. I’m never going to look as good as my Japanese friends and I don’t care. They love me and support me and when I see pictures of us together I’m just happy to have the memories of when we spend time out and about and complain about our lives lol. As for what the general public thinks about me, I don’t have time to worry about that.

7. Imo back then, as being half, I kind of get the “beauty standard” thing which I rarely fit anywhere. At first, it does bother me growing up, but then I realized I’m ME. There’s nothing much satisfying to be you. Too much fakeness and pretending to do things because you have to is tiring. I do still dolled up when I want to. But you’re just 20, you’ll learn. Don’t be too hard onyourself.

   It doesn’t have to be too much pressure. Confidence is way better than any other make-up and fancy clothes. Chin up and just practice on things that you feel you’re lacking. I never liked make-up but I’ve learned to love them especially when I have to dolled up.

8. I’m male, so please feel free to tell me to fuck off.

   Just want to share that when I first came to Japan on JET, many of my female colleagues felt the same. The ones who did best were the ones who said “f it”.

   You also see it with foreign males too – trying to copy the Japanese male hairstyles and clothing, but it just doesn’t work. F it is definitely the best option.

9. Not a woman here, but this applies to both sexes/genders blah blah blah woke terms:

   The moment you stop comparing yourself to other people and their standards, especially being a foreigner, the much better and happier you’ll feel.

10. You do you. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to measure up to something other people mostly don’t expect you to. I don’t wear make up, don’t dress terribly feminine, my hair is the same as my avatar and look at me over here happily going about my life.

    And don’t date some guy who tries to push you to lose weight, wear more make-up, wear make-up like *this* girl, do your hair different, wear this style not that style, don’t talk like that etc and even then makes you feel like shit for not being whatever the hell image of a ForeignerTM anime character he’s got in his head.

    You’re beautiful, baby.

11. I have had a similar experience, and started off thinking “well, I’m foreign, so Japanese people aren’t looking at me the same way that they do other Japanese people” – and while I feel that is still sort of true, it’s still hard not to feel underdressed or not made up enough. At the same time, being your idea of made up and comfortable can make you more confident even if you don’t match the trends here and that alone can boost your overall appearance. Trendy Japanese clothes don’t fit me because I’m a little too curvy for them, so I gave up trying to fit them and just order foreign brands that I know do fit me both in personal style and in size. That alone made it a bit easier to enjoy what I wear and how I look when I go out.

    I don’t look good in a a ton of makeup so I just do basics like mascara and brows. Having a haircut that is low-maintenance where all you need to do is maybe brush a little and add a little product but otherwise can walk out the door is helpful. If I don’t want to do my hair I wear a wig, haha. I live in Tokyo too and it feels more like a game of finding ways to cut down on making dressing up feel like a chore? For example, wedge or platform shoes instead of regular heels, dresses are just one piece but people assume you’re more dressed up in them than pants and a top for whatever reason; having staples that go with your whole wardrobe where you don’t have to worry about if they match or not, press on nails/nail stickers instead of a full acrylic set, highlighting your favorite face feature instead of trying to make the whole face the highlight – that kind of thing. Even a favorite bracelet or plain hoop earrings can give the idea you put in effort even if you don’t do anything else. If it feels like too much stress you can drop it all and add in little things you actually want to do one at a time instead of going for the full look right off the bat, too.

12. I don’t think you should worry that much.

    First, you’re in Tokyo. Trust me, the big city has tons of good looking young people to point out in a crowd simply due to having more people to point out and higher wage jobs that require or allow for better fashion standards. Move to the inaka… different story. Same percentage of good looking folks, just less of them to point out in a single sitting.

    I never felt Japan has a set ‘standard’ for fashion outside of suits or very structured ‘uniforms’. I mean, lots of people wear lots of weird, uncoordinated stuff all the time because other people don’t really care. So long as you hit the right notes, it’s all fine. Even to a point where if you’d date a Japanese person, I feel like they don’t care much about what you wear. So long as it looks good, it’s fine.

    Also consider that for many women, fashion is a HUGE hobby and where they spend money, especially for work where as in foreign countries I feel most people just wear ‘good enough’ clothing at work to get by.

    And of course, as a foreigner you’re automatically more beautiful compared to Japanese people in their eyes. My wife, a high-end beauty expert by trade, will always say ‘Sally-someone’ is absolutely gorgeous, but to me she’s just averagely pretty. I’ll point out some Japanese celebrity or pop star as gorgeous, and my wife will say, ‘7 out of 10’. :/

13. Im way older than you, so I will just say “don’t derive your self-esteem from others” its a losing game.

    I rarely wear makeup, just make an effort to be clean and presentable, even when i wear makeup its minimal but dramtic how I like it, I do not chase Japanese beauty standards because that’s not me and I have better things to think about.

14. With hair, the straight perm things a lot of people get help a lot. I started getting them and now I barely even have to brush my hair in the morning and it looks good.

    Otherwise, I think it depends where you are too. Out here in the countryside, way fewer people bother with daily makeup and being perfectly quaffed and whatever. It’s more of a big city thing.

15. I only recently started wearing makeup again, like literally one day, so I can guarantee guys are gonna fuck you without it.

    You can also be constantly drunk and wear the same shirt five days in a row.

    Dick for every day of the week haha

    You gonna be fine just doing you.

16. Don’t feel pressured by this! I also felt the same way, except i am literally lazy so I don’t do it.

    But when I do, I wear makeup to one of our company nomikai before and everyone keeps bugging me to do it “everyday”. I just frankly told my Japanese officemates I don’t get paid enough to do all this extra steps in my morning routine, I rather just sleep off.

17. Can’t really judge since I’m a man, but I fully understand what you mean. My wife (Japanese) even puts on make up to cross the street to the konbini.

    I also noticed since living here, that indeed women tend to look more beautiful than in my home country, simply because they take better care off themselves. But in the end, you do you. Whatever makes you comfortable is what you should do. Live for yourself, not for others.

18. You do you. Has it ever crossed your mind that those Japanese girls may also be envying you for your “natural exotic” foreigner look and free spirit?
    Having said that, it’s not a bad idea to gradually put some effort to work on your self esteem and if that involves a new hair do, go for it. I know someone looked completely different / more fit and attractive after moving to New York City from Michigan. Pressure sometimes is not a bad thing.

19. >My only issue is that my self esteem is taking a nosedive.

    Read the older writing of foreign women in Japan. A lot of them take a real self esteem hit when they go from being a 7 or 8 in their home country to being a 3 or 4 here because standards of beauty are different here. Dating life takes a hit. Guys just aren’t interested. Women take “better” care of themselves in terms of how they present themselves, weight, etc.. My wife, for instance, would never even consider going outside or even answering the door without her makeup done.

    >I feel like 95% of the women my age (20’s) that I see are exceptionally pretty. Like, hair done meticulously well, tons of makeup, looking super cute, nice clothes, etc.

    Yep, sounds about right.

    >I know masks play a huge factor

    Less than you might think. The same thing has been complained about by foreign women as long as I’ve known foreign women here.

    >but it’s honestly overwhelming seeing that nearly every girl my age looks like a model. Back home in the middle of nowhere there were a few people like that here and there but the beauty standards were much more lax and I was comfortable just being as I was. Now in Tokyo I feel like I have to spend tons of time and money on my appearance just to even meet a baseline for not standing out.

    Unless you’re East Asian, in which case I’m sorry you’re going to be judged by local standards, noone expects you to meet the local beauty standard. You’re going to stand out regardless, if you don’t want to “fit in” don’t worry about it because you won’t no matter how hard you try.

    >I really really hate using makeup and wasting time applying it and doing my hair every day, but if I don’t I just feel terrible all day.

    Then don’t. Or tone your personal style down so it’s less work but you still feel good about yourself.

20. I’ve gone through this entire phase of low self-esteem and low self-worth because of the beauty standards here, and here are some things I’ve learnt along the way.

    (1) I mean this in the best way possible, but you’re not that special and no one is paying attention to you. Do you remember every single person that you’ve seen walking down the street? I don’t. Sure, maybe I’ll glance at them, but I don’t even bother looking at people twice unless they’re exceptionally hot, because I’ll never see them again.

    (2) Being comfortable in your own skin >>>>>>>>>> fitting in. If you try and fit in and wear clothes/makeup you don’t like, it’s going to wear you down real quick mentally. Besides, a huge part of physical attractiveness is confidence, and if you think you’re going to look like a clown in Japanese clothes/make-up, it’s probably going to show on your face and in your demeanour and make you lose even more confidence (悪循環). I’ve tried fitting in with Japanese standards, and it was the most miserable experience I’ve ever had and you could just tell that I was miserable.

    (3) Plastic surgery is a lot more prevalent than you think in Japan. A lot of the attractive Japanese women you see have had some sort of plastic surgery, minor or major. A lot of them will get their eyelids done or get fillers in their nose or jaw because they’re also struggling to meet the insane beauty standards that you’re talking about.

    So my answer is to prioritise yourself and your own mental health and wear what makes you feel comfortable and what makes you happy.

21. Do whatever makes YOU feel good, not what you believe others will think of you!

    BTW Japanese ladies fashion is shit IMO, it’s a mix of 50s housewife styles with a blend of kawaii nonsense. Your not missing out on their clothing.. proof many buy Korean fashion now which is more up to date.

22. I had a good friends that lived in Japan a few years back. She said similar things and that was in Hokkaido. I imagine it is even more apparent in the Tokyo area. But as others have suggested, she got used to it and just stayed true to who she is. I say no point in spending time trying to fit in. I find find that the foreigners that do that only stand out more!

23. I can relate to this so much and had a similar experience when first living in the city in Japan (Sapporo). I was 19 at the time so felt so self conscious and under dressed all the time…

    Now (at 31, oof) I’ve found a happy medium; it doesn’t have to be doubling down and trying harder OR stopping entirely. You come to the realisation that you have a bit of leeway as a foreigner to do what you like, but also want to feel comfortable in your skin when you’re out of the house.

    This may not work for you, but here are some tips that helped me get to the point I’m at now and feel comfortable with my image out of the house:

    1. Find 2-3 hairstyles you like, are easy to do, and are comfortable, and just rotate these. If you don’t like having a fringe, grow it out, then learn super easy ways to tie it out of your face (my go-to is to tie it up with a small elastic, then flip it into itself). I don’t like hairspray or having to redo my hair throughout the day, so have 3 hairstyles that I rotate through that can be done without hairspray, stay put, and make me feel confident.

    2. Replace foundation with a tinted moisturiser or bb cream (with sunscreen) that works with your skin. You can put it on after you wash your face in the morning, and don’t have to spend hours doing makeup, but it still covers up enough to give you confidence to leave the house. In summer, I throw a setting powder in my bag and apply if I’m looking especially greasy (I use the Innisfree powder).

    3. Buy clothes you like! I spent years buying “fashionable” Japanese clothes and not feeling comfortable in them, until I realised the type of clothes I feel best in and started buying only these (in my case, these are floral dresses and wide-leg overalls). Trends change all the time so aren’t worth following if you don’t like the way they look on yourself.

    4. Take a trip back to your home country relatively regularly. Every time I go back to my home country (Australia) I feel like the prettiest person in the room simply because I’m wearing a dress and some tinted moisturiser 😅 It’s such a weird, confidence booster!