It’s been a hard few years. Being away from family and friends, surviving through a pandemic, being isolated from others, being called out for being a foreigner, not being able to enjoy all that Japan has to offer, being blamed for COVID cases at our schools, the immense pressure, the loneliness—-for some, the list goes on and on.
Many new JETs are coming onto the program soon. Before you scoff at their questions or give them attitude, please remember that you were once in their shoes. Remember that you didn’t always know what you know now. You were once clueless, inexperienced, scared, and unsure. Don’t make them feel unwelcomed or that they are a burden. They will feel out of their element at first, and will need a few friendly faces to lend them a hand.
“It costs nothing to be nice.” I decided to use this quote because kindness doesn’t cost anything. Kindness doesn’t do bad–it does **a lot** of good. There is no downside to being kind, so why wouldn’t you choose to do it?
During my time here, while I struggled with loneliness and depression brought on by my circumstances and isolation, I tried meeting with different JETs I didn’t normally hang out with. I met with one whom I had initially distanced myself from, because something seemed off about them. But I thought, “Hey, maybe I’m being judgmental–why not give this friendship a shot? They may be feeling the same way I do.”
Do you know what happened? Instead of spreading kindness, they started spreading baseless rumors about me. They started sharing things with others that I had confided in them. They told lies to their friends so there were more people to lie *for* them, and paint me in a very unattractive light. Instead of finding peace and comfort in my community, I all of a sudden didn’t know who I could trust, and who hadn’t been poisoned by their lies. These rumors spread so far, even the new JETs in my area were told them, when they had never even met the source. Similar things have happened to my friends here, and it honestly makes me sick, knowing that it didn’t have to be this way.
I tell you this, because **no one** deserves to feel unsafe among others, *especially* fellow JETs. We have such a small community in our prefectures as it is. So please don’t start drama, spread gossip, and treat others with such disrespect and malice. Everyone is going through something at any given point in time. Just because you don’t necessarily *like* them, or because they *annoy* you, or because they aren’t your “*type*” of person, does **not** give you the right to try and make their lives miserable.
Please, I beg of you…just choose kindness, before you choose anything else. <3
18 comments
Honest question… how much time did you actually spend having the conversation with yourself that finally convinced you to post this?
Here’s some great advice for new ALTs: use the “search” function, then ask your question if you can’t find the answer. If anyone is a jerk, block them or mute the thread so you don’t get replies.
Just want to say I totally understand and sending you a hug. It’s funny how this seems to be a universal thing. My area seems to have a few people like this as well. Not much else I have to say except that sometimes JET can be like high school. People come from very different backgrounds and maturity levels vary.
Will also add that it’s important to know and set your boundaries, and protect your heart. Don’t let people get the better of you and take advantage of you.
While I know many of the people on this sub may find this kind of comment offensive, but just as easy it is to say “it costs nothing to be nice”, it can also be said that “it costs nothing to search up your question before asking”. There’s nothing wrong with telling newcomers to make use of posts that have already answered their questions.
To people saying *”It costs nothing to use the search bar”* thinking they’re smart. **This post isn’t about this subreddit.**
This post is telling you to be supportive of your fellow ALTs *in person.* OP has not had that support, and are reminding and encouraging people to provide it to those who are incoming, they’re not just bitching about downvotes ffs. *Actually read the post.*
edit: also OP. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope you’re doing ok now.
For sure I probably asked a bunch of dumb questions when I was applying, but also in my free time I probably read a lot of posts on this subreddit and past. It’s just like “what’s the budget like?” posts when you an type into google
jet program budget site:reddit.com
and find tons of posts of info
also 100 “is there toothpaste in Japan?”
there’s even times where there’s the exact same question post on the front page.
—
While I try not to be negative but let’s say there’s a “what are yall bringing for omiyage” thread, most if not all current or past JETs will say don’t bring anything or spend minimal amounts because we’ve actually seen and experienced it ourselves, but it feels like our advice falls on deaf ears or eager newcomers choose to ignore this to fulfill their anticipation fantasy.
—
I agree of course we should be nice and most JETs are nice. I’m chill with all my local JETs, my friends are with theirs, and if they don’t get along they just don’t hang out.
Any real toxicity is often quickly and correctly downvoted and this thread won’t sway them around because they’re just trying to be extremely negative or ZING people.
Aren’t you the one starting drama by writing this?
Im so sorry this happened to you OP.
As someone who doesn’t really hang out with the other JETs in my town (not for lack of trying, schedules just don’t line up) I totally get the isolated part. However I would NEVER tell someone elses shit to someone, thats a quick ticket to no trustsville and no one deserves that. Even though I am not the same as my city ALTS (they work for the city, I work for the prefecture), we are all still in the same boat, and If I don’t have an answer, I will point you to someone who does.
As you said, we are a community here. We should help each other when we can. Answering questions that have an answer that COULD change is important. not to mention everyones favorite saying: ESID. Questions are tailored to a person, and if you are a teacher, why are you telling people to google the answer? You gonna tell kids that too? no. You just answer the question and move on. theres nothing wrong with that. In the time it takes to say “search reddit” you can also type “yeah, japan has toothpaste”. its not hard.
As for the drama and gossip, people gonna people. some people don’t like it here, and will make it known. some people are fresh out of college and still in the college mentality. Some are just assholes. MOST are super nice and helpful. again, I am super sorry that happened to you OP.
Just remember: There ain’t no stopping this train we are on.
Be careful of the movingtojapan subreddit. The mods there are nazis towards enforcing the rules (especially the “do research before you post anything” rule) and most of the regular users are actively hostile towards people who want to move to Japan because they like Japanese culture (i.e. most people).
Always surprises me how the JET community is so bitchy when most people would be classed as pretty nerdy irl
I’m so sorry you had to go through this nonsense. I wish I was there to be a true friend for you 🥺. Hit me up if you ever wanna talk.
This happened to me, OP.
I’m a homebody by nature and due to that, I preferred to work, go home, make dinner, and relax. Rest up for the next work day. Meanwhile the other ALTs in my area were driving 50mins into the night to chill with other people and get back home at 1am four days a week.
One particular person spread rumors about me being “stuck up” and a “killjoy” and all these things. Claimed I didn’t want to be their friend. Therefore I was an enemy. I stopped getting invited to stuff and when I did manage to get invited and went, it just was really uncomfortable.
This person also talked trash about my partner, my relationship with my partner, how I spent time with my partner, AND made judgements and comments to others about inappropriate speculations they had zero idea about.
This person and I were never friends. We’d only hung out once or twice in a large group setting, but were always cordial. Everyone worshiped them, meanwhile I minded my own business.
This person also tried to turn my new co-ALTs against me by inviting them out privately and talking trash about me and the lovely small town we were placed in. Needless to say, they were shocked by this person’s blatant cruelty.
Along with “Kindness costs you nothing” I’ll also add, “No one is entitled to your time, energy, or friendship.” It’s sooooo easy for new ALTs to become yes men and women even if they aren’t feeling it for the sake of not being lonely or for immersion.
If you don’t feel like partying/schmoozing, don’t! If someone has an issue with that, that’s their problem, not yours.
We’re adults. This isn’t high school. The “in-crowd” is a pyramid scheme and does you no good. If you find that one particular person is put on a pedestal here, run far away, because egos inflate tenfold the moment some set foot here.
Don’t let others steal what should be an adventure and an experience for you, new folks!
Any chance you’re a city JET in a medium sized city?
The type of drama sounds right.
I was very lucky when I arrived the senior JETs in my area were nothing but helpful and always included me. They made it so much easier to adjust and really made my first two years great when they could’ve been awful.
Too many people have a short memory, gatekeep and fall into this “who’s more settled in Japan” competition and they really need to just quit. The community is small as it is and it’s not that hard to be civil.
On this same vein, don’t be judgemental about Japanese proficiency. JETs with lower proficiency have it hard enough. To be looked down upon by their “friends” and colleagues makes it even worse.
DON’T ASSUME PEOPLE CAN READ KANJI/KNOW CERTAIN JAPANESE TERMS.
It’s great to use Japanese/practice, but do offer readings/translations if you’re not sure of the person’s level. I see so many JETs mix kanji into their English sentences as if everyone knows their kanji. Be a good/helpful person and create a learning moment rather than widen the gap that already exists.
NOTE: I say this from an N3 level. I am by no means fluent, but I know quite a bit more than some. It’s not hard to be inclusive, especially knowing how much work it takes to get this far.
In the same vein, I want to link a post I made a few years ago about paying it forward. Nothing is worse than having a pred who is basically non-existent or a dick.
https://reddit.com/r/JETProgramme/comments/8yh46m/outgoing_jets_a_friendly_reminder_suggestion/
As someone said, JET is a bit like an extension of uni/college. People will start little cliques and groups and some or most of them may not include you. Be prepared for that. The fact that you’re a bunch of foreigners is helpful, but it doesn’t mean that you will all become friends or that you should be friends.
Best advice is to find a group outside of the JET bubble. Join a club, start drinking at a bar, find some other random foreigner who is in your tiny town.
Still stay connected to the JET community, but don’t put all your eggs in that basket.
​
Also, don’t be a dick.
You find a lot of nice people on JET, but you also find some bad eggs. What I do not understand is why the bad eggs always hang out in the neighbourhood groups. If you do not want to help people, then do not join these groups.
Simple questions in my group are often replied to by senior JETs with screenshots of their question entered into Google. This is so rude. They are looking for personal recommendations. Please give them personal recommendations… or, don’t speak?
Completely agree with this. I’ve been around the Japan forums since days of Big Daikon and yeah this has been going on forever and it’s really not helpful. I can’t say I wasn’t ever guilty of being snarky or rude when I was younger, but once I grew up I learned to just chil. You know fellow veterans, you don’t have to reply to every thread. Someone asks another dumb question you’ve seen a hundred times before? Just move on and ignore it, there’s no need to jump in with an attack or rudeness.
One tiny bit of advice on the flip side from my perspective, and I say this with the utmost respect and not trying to preach- brand new JETs please also try to keep in mind there are people who have a lot more experience in Japan and have been through a lot of things and they do often know a bit better than you, and often just trying to help. If someone respectfully disagrees with you or says something maybe you don’t like the answer to, try to just take it in or consider other viewpoints without getting defensive. Just the other day I replied to a thread about sick leave with simple facts based on 15+ years experience and was immediately downvoted and OP just got snippy because they didn’t happen to get as much nenkyu as others. Sometimes the reality of Japanese culture and life isn’t going to be pretty or what you want to hear- don’t shoot the messenger!
Just my two cents from an old guy