What are the best places/apps/events to meet single Western women in Tokyo who are NOT interested in Japanese guys?
Details:
I am an early 30s (white) guy from Canada living in Tokyo long-term. I passed JLPT N1 years ago and use Japanese in my everyday work.
After many years of dating Japanese women, and in the past few years dating some Westerners, I have realized that I have a more natural attraction and compatibility with Westerners who are fluent in English. And I feel a more immediate and enduring “spark” of physical and emotional chemistry with white women.
I personally know many gaijin who have married Japanese people and have wonderful families together, but I have realized that is not the right path for me.
My best results so far have been on Bumble and to a much lesser extent Hinge.
I have looked into in-person singles events but most of those seem to be for gaijin who want Japanese girlfriends/boyfriends, or the reverse.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
I will probably leave Japan if I cannot find a compatible life partner within a year. My career and social life in Tokyo are great, but I am starting to feel like I will never find someone I want to marry if I remain here.
19 comments
Can give a try on the [Tokyo friend thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tokyo/comments/vpj4ye/post_for_people_finding_friends_in_tokyo/), or even the controversial r/tokyoirl sub.
Also, having a hobby will allow you to meet a bunch of people with shared interests. Make friends and grow your dating pool.
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Unfortunately, I don’t have very good advice to give you because over the years, a lot of my friends who fit the profile you described (single Western women more interested in fellow Westerners than in Japanese guys) have either left Japan for greener pastures or just given up on dating entirely.
Ask [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/10udahk/are_a_concerning_number_of_young_expats_just_bad/) to hook you up. He appears to have a bunch of Western women friends looking for a good man.
>I have a more natural attraction and compatibility with Westerners who are fluent in English. And I feel a more immediate and enduring “spark” of physical and emotional chemistry with white women.
Just to clarify – you’re looking to date white women or Western women? Considering the large number of non-white Westerners who are women this might be important to distinguish.
Disclaimer: what I wrote below also applies to men. Let’s not start stupid gender wars, please.
In my experience, most caucasian women want to date/marry japanese men, so that already reduces the pool drastically.
Out of those who who remain:
-Some will be the traumatized type. They only date foreigners (= caucasian men) because they’ve had bad experiences with japanese guys. Doesn’t matter if it was just one guy on a quick ONS. They’ve decided that japanese people are not for them and will most likely date you out spite.
-Some will be the “disgruntled loser” type. Your typical j-lifer, you know. They have nonexistent japanese, a low paying job (usually at a child care, for some reason), a useless degree back home (like, Quechua Literature, or something like that), no career prospects, and they know shit about fuck but feel entitled to complain all the time about Japan, as if it were the cause of their misery.
These women tend to marry the first person (japanese or not) that is willing to babysit them for the rest of their lives.
Avoid the above two groups like the plague. What you should go for instead, is educated women with good japanese that are independent, satisfied with their life in Japan and, more importantly, are willing to date anyone as long as there’s chemistry and they think they have found a good, caring and loving partner.
Where do you find those women?
As strange as it may seem, in my experience you find them on/at japanese-heavy apps/events meant for japanese customers. So, Pairs, Omiai, your local kekkon sodanjo, etc…
That, or at volunteering events or similar associations (just make sure that you take part in those activities because you are actually interested in them, and not because you are thirsty for sex/looking for a partner: the people around you will smell that, and that would be your doom).
“more physical and emotional chemistry with white women” = yikes 😬!
Try bumble / tinder as most westerns use those apps.
A year to find a “life partner” from a very tiny population group, and with a high stakes leave or stay ultimatum for yourself at the end of it – does not sound like the best way to go about finding someone.
Bumble, tinder, okcupid has a bunch of foreigners. The majority is still Japanese and other Asians, cuz y’know, this is Japan.
Me as a POC watching this threads “white on white” crime lately…👀
>(white) guy
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LOL. You’ll be fine.
Rather than events targeted for singles you might be better off just going to normal foreigner-oriented events, getting to know people, and seeing if anything sticks within those circles. The organic method, as it were. But don’t go into these things specifically thinking you want to find someone, just go to have fun and see what happens.
However though…
> I will probably leave Japan if I cannot find a compatible life partner within a year. My career and social life in Tokyo are great,
Maybe just my two cents here, but a relationship should supplement your life, not completely change it’s trajectory. If you feel like you need someone, you might have to reassess your priorities a little bit.
LOL! Wild. You can set your Hinge location to wherever you live back home in Canada. Good luck though! Though I’m pretty sure some of the problems that you had while dating locally, will just be the same even back home. Might want to change your approach to relationships if you really want a life long partner. My 2 cents.
It’s funny how it used to be the opposite: most western women in Japan were interested primarily in dating western guys and they were not so much into Japanese guys.
Now, I see a lot of female weebs (to be clear, from both genders but they have always been white men only interested in Japanese women) who are only into Asian guys and western guys who want to date western women are struggling.
This thread is a real eye opener. I’m not surprised so many of you are single and bitter
Bumble.
And depending on your hobbies, there might be some gaijin-heavy events you can go to. I know a few different music/DJ/club events that attract an overwhelmingly foreign crowd, but there might be others closer to your interests.
Whatever happens, good luck to you.
I’m sure this is a troll but it’s a creepy AF one.
Not only interested in only white women, because that’s the only visual that gives me a “spark”, but these white women absolutely cannot be sullied by Japanese men. Like the NOT is all caps and everything.
Just move back to your home country, dude.