Obviously not all but I’ve noticed that everything is fine for a while but then after several years, Japanese wives/long term girlfriends start to snap and go bonkers. It’s happened to many of my friends and I’ve seen it posted here a lot. Why is this?
Note – this doesn’t meant all become this way but enough do that it warrants discussion especially with Japanese wife/foreign husband
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Wouldn’t that be the same thing in any relationship in any country? If things go bad after the honeymoon period… and feelings get hurt… it might get quite ugly.
They probably think the foreign husband will be better than he actually is. After some years the exoticness wears off, and he also can’t fully understand them because language/culture barriers. Possibly with a lack of desire to make an effort at all on the latter.
That’s my unscientific theory. So far I’ve been married 3 years to my wife and 0 issues. Actually communicating seems to work well. Also thoroughly communicated before marriage and tested the waters by living together etc.
I’ll give you a piece of advice.
Don’t put your dick in the first girl to give you attention. For 90% of the ~~incels~~ men that come to Japan, it’s their first experience talking to a woman, so they jump on the chance, and most don’t know how to communicate fluently, in either direction, so things end up with “my crazy J-wife went J-crazy”
How come long-term residents of Japan go crazy?
Obviously not all but I’ve noticed that everything is fine for a while but then after several years, residents of Japan start to snap and go bonkers. It’s happened to many of my friends and I’ve seen it posted here a lot. Why is this?
If your perspective is all coming from non Japanese men going through relationship trouble and breakups with Japanese women, eventually you’ll start to build a pattern in your mind that Japanese women usually turn into crazy-exes. But how would you ever find out if your friend was at fault? Do you think they’re going to tell you? Do you think they’re going to be aware of any trouble they’ve caused for their partners?
You also might be hearing stories from a disproportionate number of people who enter into risky relationships in the first place. Like relationships where you communicate through Google translate and can’t hold serious discussions. Or you met on a dating app and know none of their values or who they surround themselves with.
The common denominator here is you and your friends.
People talk about negative experiences, that’s why you hear about it a lot and have a false sense of how often it actually happens. There are just as many if not more loving couples that make the international relationship work. But what reason is there for someone to randomly talk/post about it?
“Hey guys, I just wanted to say that man I love my wife! She’s so great!”
Kinda comes off as bragging right?
Uhhhh… they both suck at communicating? They became an item too soon? They both want different things from each other? Unrealistic expectations? Take your pick.
Do you think this is only an issue in Japan?
Do you think this is only an issue with the woman?
Been married 15 years, how long before my wife goes crazy?
Every single one of my close friends (going on 20+ years; some Japanese, some non-Japanese) seems happily married – none have gotten divorced. Sure, I know that maybe some marriages aren’t all puppies and rainbows on the inside, but outwardly everyone seems affectionate and happy. How long do they need to wait before *their* wives go crazy?
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Public service announcement: Before you’re tempted to write a ‘how come Japanese people do this’ post, ask yourself: Is this really something that could only happen in Japan?
99.18% of the time – it’s universal to *people, not the location.*
If I had to date/marry some of the doofus foreign guys I’ve met here I’d go bonkers too.
Seriously, though, communication problems, cultural differences and unmet expectations. Maybe a little money trouble thrown in for good measure.
I’m sure there are actual crazy people out there, but I imagine for most, it’s something like they start dating a guy and he can speak super basic Japanese and he’s planning to transition out of English teaching or whatever other shit job in the next year or two. Not great, but she can work with that. Then a decade passes and the guy hasn’t made any effort to improve his toddler level Japanese or skill-up in any way, still working the same job for the same salary. No Japanese friends, just hangs out with other foreigners and bitches about Japan constantly. Most of the guys I’ve known with marital problems tick at least some of these boxes. Getting fed up eventually is completely understandable.
Probably because they put up with his shit for too long and everyone has a breaking point. Not saying in all cases but usually the ones that go bad the guy is not taking any accountability and blaming it on “crazy Japanese wife syndrome”. Truth is, women, no matter what country they are from, want to be in an equal loving relationship.
“Go crazy” is probably more “tired of your shit and putting myself second to your crap”
Because the type of guys they marry would make any woman go crazy, and not in a good way.
Japanese women breakup with you mentally months in advanced before they officialize it. You have to know the signs.
As someone else mentioned, this seems to be in cases with a selection effect where many foreigners who come to Japan end up with the “crazier” people who take any foreigner they can get.
I think this is especially true in cases where both parties are a bit desperate to get with the other despite personal and cultural differences, etc., so there is little or no filtering happening before the relationship or marriage.
Really?
This isn’t every case, but there is often a trend in “crazy partner” stories.
And that trend is years of marriage/relationship where the foreign man is still making 2.8-3m yen per year while all her friends’ husbands are in the 5m+ range at the same age. She realizes she has made a huge mistake because he will never, ever make more than that, has no desire to learn new skills, and she’s sick of translating everything for him because he still hasn’t managed to learn Japanese.
>Why is this?
Are you seriously asking why you’re getting “bitch be crazy” from guys when they divorce their wives/dump their girlfriends? On Reddit?!?!? XD
What is with the broad generalizations (pun intended) on this sub lately?
I’d say it’s mostly because guys go and marry based off their attraction to Asian women instead of their genuine attraction to the person and their personality and getting to know them. People are always crazy you just get married to the one who’s crazy you can tolerate. 90% of these stories come from dudes who set out on the sole quest to find a Japanese gf or wife thinking oh they will be my perfect wifuuu and pick the first person to pay attention to them. Then they don’t realize their wives are not their weird fetishized version of an anime girl they hoped for, so she’s batshit crazy. Shocker 🤷🏻♂️
IMO it’s due to a lack of proper communication at a mutual level. It’s painfully clear that international couples= different cultures so challenging and communicating those preconceived biases rather early on is very important rather than just leaving it on the air and expect it to go well.
Edit: universal advice but don’t put your Dick into crazy.
Probably the same reason that foreign men who come to japan seem to be deeply misogynistic and make posts like this
I don’t think people realize that the type of girls who are into white guys bc they’re white probably weren’t mentally stable to begin with
A lot of western guys come to Japan thinking they are going to be a shiny rare commodity and reality check comes quick. You are not as funny or profound as u think you are. Being a native eng speaker is a cool gimmick initially but can you update your settings to the wherever you migrate?
Can always go back to the woke/correct pronoun/women in the west.
I have also heard those types of stories.However, mine seems to go strong. 8 years together, 1 married.
I have had friends that became a couple after 1 week knowing each other. This might play a big factor.
This thread is the most stupid thing I saw today
All the horrible advice here is why this sub is littered with divorce posts.
Because they finally come to the realization that their foreign husband is never going to change or improve themselves and they’ve waisted their “prime” marriage years hitched to a complete loser?
Or menopause, trust me menopause is a hell of a drug…
American here married to my Japanese wife for 32 years. Maybe I got lucky. Keep your mind open and enjoy all the cultural differences.
Here let me reword it for you.
How come my friends drive all Japanese wives/ long-term girlfriends crazy? Why is this?
Many men who come to Japan, are let’s say, not very picky.
There’s 2 marriage states amongst foreigners in Japan. Divorced and Future Divorced.