So I’m invited to my friends wedding this March (we’re close but not super close), but I’ve been saving money so that I can go back home and have a vacation this August.
I know the standard should be ¥30,000 but I think that’s too much for me. Would it be rude if I give the couple ¥10,000 or even ¥15,000?
26 comments
If you are going to go, I think ¥30,000 is a strict standard. I haven’t heard of anyone giving less then that in my social circle.
Are you invited to the wedding ceremony and reception? Or just for the after parties?
If you absolutely can’t do 30,000 then 15k is better. The superstition is that you aren’t supposed to give an amount that can be easily split in half.
If you can’t pay the expected amount, then decline the invitation.
I hate getting invited to weddings here. It’s mostly just a money-making exercise. Can’t you just ask to join the after-party instead? That’s what I do. Then you only have to pay ¥5000 or so for your food and drinks.
The amount people are expected to give is part of the couple’s “budget” when they plan the wedding. Usually the gifts guests get are based on how much they expect from that guest.
You can give less but they will obviously notice and it won’t be great.
Or you just go to the afterparty. That’s what a lot of people do who want to save the money.
Just FYI, the wedding industry in Japan has centered its pricing model around “just under/over 30k per guest”
So for every extra chair they plan for, their cost increases about 30k ish depending on how fancy the venue is.
Family will pay more, like 50k etc. which kind of makes up for lower gifts…
If you’re a really good friend and you truly don’t have 30k to give, give 15k or some other odd number and avoid 4 and 9 in your number.
If you’re just an acquaintance and don’t want to spend money, just refuse politely and add a gokekkon omedetougozaimasu in for good measure. They won’t pay the fee and you won’t have to pay the gift.
I would just pay it to be honest. They’re not keeping it as a gift it’s to cover the cost of the wedding.
30k. Good friends too so yeah totally fine with me but I’d be unwilling to give those if it’s just an acquaintance.
Although his party was expensive as well. The present was a catalog of nice things we can choose ourselves (easily 10-20k worth of stuff) and the food itself was fine dining course. I feel like those were easily more than 30k lol.
Is there not the option to just have an upfront conversation with him? I know sometimes Japanese people are bad with stuff like this, but if you are somewhat close maybe it can work out with a conversation.
You’ll probably get half back anyway.
The money depends somewhat on the economy of the region. I haven’t been to a wedding in 15 years. At that time, I was in Okinawa, and I was told ¥10,000 was fine, but a Tokyo wedding would be ¥20,000.
Point being, asking some Japanese coworkers or acquaintances, rather than Reddit, would get a more accurate estimate
10,000 or 15,000 will be fine, remember to go to the bank and ask for spanking brand new bills numbered consecutively (if you go the 1,000 yen route), tell them it’s for a wedding, they know the drill.
https://expatsguide.jp/articles/culture/if-youre-asked-to-a-japanese-wedding/
I recently got married. It’s really expensive, and just having someone attend costs money. If you can’t afford the ¥30,000, just decline the invitation. It’ll save the newlyweds a lot of hassle and save them money.
What’s your status? Are you working or a Student?
The money can differ if thats the case.
To be honest, it will depend on whose wedding is. A close friend ? Tell them about your situation. Not close enough to explain them? You can decline.
It’s not about you being cheap about it, so it’s okay. Wedding in Japan are ridiculously expensive and couple expect a bit of money coming back. And people doesn’t want to trouble others (I think) so if it’s going to be tough for your pocket don’t push it, the couple either way will understand.
Politely decline the invitation and explain your situation.
If they’re truly a close friend, then they’ll understand.
#If you’re a working adult:
> Would it be rude if I give the couple ¥10,000 or even ¥15,000?
Yes.
The thing with Japanese money gifts is that the money just goes around in circles. You give them money when they get married/have a kid/someone dies/etc. Then they give you money when you get married/have a kid/someone dies/etc.
If you don’t expect to be in Japan long term and you can’t afford the ~30,000yen expected gift, it is best to decline the invitation.
#If you’re a student with a part time job:
> Would it be rude if I give the couple ¥10,000 or even ¥15,000?
10,000 to 15,000 is fine, and expected.
Wow, I had no idea about Japanese weddings. Thanks for this post.
Last time I went was for my wife friend , 50.000
We get a magazine months later with presents to chose. So is kinda draw 😂
Give 30,000 or decline the invitation
Go on aliexpress, find a Chinese fake/rep supplier and get a nice LV bag for the lady and a Gucci belt for the gentleman and stay under the 10.000¥ budget
Most banks have a dedicated machine next to the regular ATMs for crisp, clean bills.
They need to go in a celebratory envelope.
¥30,000 is standard for family members and very close friends, but ¥15,000 in 3 crisp ¥5000 notes is fine as well.
If your friend is getting married at a wedding chapel or hall, it’s horrendously expensive. If they’re paying for it themselves, I’m sure they would greatly appreciate the cash. If not, it’s starting capital for their married life.
You don’t have to provide any gifts otherwise…
If they’re your friend, they’ll appreciate whatever you can give.
For my wedding, we paid for it ourselves. We stayed away from wedding chapels and were able to give a Lutheran church a donation of ¥100K in exchange for a bilingual ceremony, then rented a party room and had a buffet catered. We saved a sh**load of money, so we asked guests to limit any cash gifts to ¥5000.
A lot of people still gave more, so we ended up making money on our wedding…
if you cant follow the rules or just wanna be stingy, just don’t go bro.
Pay what you can, it cost a lot for a wedding and it helps the bride and groom a lot but if you truly can’t afford to spend 3man then don’t. They will understand as friends. 3man for mainland and 1man for okinawa.
You can also request you don’t want any gift after the wedding, sometimes they give you a gift 1-2man for coming. They can actually just cancel that gift, 1-1.7man could pay for your dinner and drinks, no gift, and you each don’t need to pay more than necessary.
Surprised to hear you’re invited if you’re not a family member or a work superior. All the weddings I’ve attended were limited to one or the other, and friends were invited to the party after the wedding (without family).
I had a wedding state side and no one had to pay, even the Japanese side. I loath these financial barriers.