Been single for too long, and recently moved to Japan.
Thing is, I don’t have anyone that I consider to be datable around me, not because I have high standards, but because everyone around me is so young. I go to college, went a bit late, so everyone I meet is around 18-20. Now some might be fine dating people 7 years younger than you, but that’s not me. Only met 2 grad school people at my half-year stay here. I feel especially lonely because I can’t seem to connect well with the people, and I don’t really have friends.
I don’t know where to start. As a person born as & passing as a female, I am scared to jump into tinder and whatnot because I don’t want to get into trouble in a country I am not familiar with. My Japanese language ability is average, I can hold a conversation but as soon as things get technical I don’t know the vocab. I was thinking of doing some community service (Tokyo) to make some connections (not just for potential dating partners, but for making local friends) but I can’t seem to find any that I am interested in (they need someone able to drive, do paperwork, or teach, and none of that I have skills of).
I’m stumped! I just want a casual relationship with a Japanese person. Where do I start? Would appreciate any tips.
10 comments
Have you tried going to a meetup using the Meetup app? Not that those groups should be used as dating pools (something that happens far too often imo) but why not give it a go and see if something develops naturally and organically? At the very least you can make some friends.
Meetup , casual bars , apps (not tinder , there’s plenty in Japan)
Use bumble. You will meet many people.
You’re selectively rejecting the overwhelmingly most convenient option by dismissing dating apps, I will say. Don’t be scared, just throw up natural pictures and swipe on people who seem trustworthy. Stay safe and it’s fine. No trouble will happen at teamlabs or a cafe or whatever. You’re in Tokyo so a million people will speak English to you.
Scared to jump into tinder because you don’t want to get into trouble? Don’t worry, you’re not going to accidentally swipe right on some Yakuza mobster who wants your kidneys. Also you’re in Tokyo, the dating pool is literally infinite! Stop overthinking, put yourself out there by going to meetups etc., and remember to have fun!
PS. Tinder sucks, use the other app.PPS. Keep studying Japanese, it will make things easier. No excuses in the meantime though.
Weird that you brought up your gender that way. Just say “female”, even if you weren’t born female. If that is what you identify as, that’s good enough.
lovean.jp is good if you’re looking to be financially compensated for your time. It doesn’t necessarily mean sex for money. Sex is optional.
Coffee Meets Bagel filters out a lot of the “fuckboys” out there, and it’s pretty heavy on the English. The fact that people are limited in number of profile views per days works out pretty well in the end, and I think there’s a good amount of people in their late 20s/early 30s.
Also for meetups, sports-based ones are pretty good for being chill. It’s helpful for just hanging out with people
What does born as and passing as a female mean? I feel like the PC nonsense has finally tipped to a point where its so inclusive its offensive again. If you’re born a woman does that not already negate the need to pass as anything? Are you wearing lace and bows on everything just to make sure?
If you have a hobby or something you like to do, why not join that gathering? There are also gatherings for people who are not good communicators.
You can find various events and groups on this website.
https://tunagate.com/search/tokyo
>As a person born as & passing as a female
I mean this respectfully. Don’t start with this.
Japan is still trying to decide if “the gays” are going to destroy society.
Most people are not ready for “I was born a woman, I look like a woman, but I’m not really a woman”. I mean it is difficult for me to get my head around and I’m on your side 🙂