How do you handle people back home that you’re not close to?

47 comments

1. I honestly don’t think it’s that common of thing for people you weren’t close with to abruptly ask something like this.

   In your case, I’d give them your bank account and tell them after they transfer the money you can see about helping them.

2. I tell them I’m not a travel agent, tour guide, hotel or shopping service. They usually never contact me again after that.

3. Haven’t had that happen. I’ve had friends/family asking me to meet with their friends for dinner or drinks, which I agree to or politely decline depending my mood.

   > Can you help me score tickets to this place because only residents can buy them?

   *If* that ever happened, I would probably say the tickets are named so even if I bought them they couldn’t use them unless I went, which I am not planning on.

4. Homie, I even ignored these kind of people when I was in my home country lol

   Don’t worry about it lol

5. If I have friends coming over to visit, the most they ask is for general information and/or if I have time to meet for dinner or spend time on a day off. If it’s distant family, I might entertain them for an afternoon or evening, depending on my schedule. Anything more than that would depend on the favor they are asking. I’d probably find a reason/excuse to decline.

6. I’d be wondering how they got my contact info in the first place.

   How are people you don’t like contacting you?

7. Left their ass on read

8. If it was a friend/family i would help them. If it was a random person that didn’t like me i’d be like i think you shouldn’t go there if only residents are supposed to go there.

9. Just say no

10. Hahah is it tickets to the Ghibli museum? cause same

11. Personally I’d be nice. You might not be great friends with them now, but you might have an unexpectedly good time with them.

    I’ve done it a couple of times.

    Unless they are a really nasty person, be nice, help them out. Be the kind of person you would want to help you out if you went somewhere.

    Most people appreciate it and are pretty sound when it comes down to it.

12. I’ve only had it happen twice and the first was with the kind of person you described – they weren’t actually committed despite me being open to helping. They didn’t know how much things were and then went back and forth about paying for it even with a deadline to buy it and eventually didn’t reply when asked if they still wanted me to try to get them, so I didn’t.

    The other time was with someone who I was acquainted with but not best friends or anything. They outright stated they were willing to pay me for the effort (it ended up being quite a lot due to the nature of the tickets lol) by covering the cost of my ticket if I wanted to attend with them or pay me a separate fee for getting them. I ended up having to go with them due to ID checks lol but it went great and we became closer. She did her research and had backup plans so that it was at little inconvenience to me as possible, and I have no qualms about going above and beyond to help her out again in the future because of that.

    If we didn’t get on well at all in the past I’d ignore them, it’s really weird to ask someone for a favor if you dislike them.

13. You should always do what you are most comfortable with, and whatever that is should be okay. However, I once did a similar favor for someone I barely knew, tagged along to make sure everything went smoothly (and to translate if necessary), and it turned out that I met some great people in an activity that I still do to this day, and they are still great friends. I once accepted a job in a faraway isolated region that turned out to have world-class fly fishing in my backyard—absolutely wonderful place. You just never know, I remain open to most requests for help.

14. ignore the message unless she’s hot and wants to hang/show her around.

15. I would leave them on read

16. Had a family member ask something like this on behalf of a coworker (a collectible item that they wanted me to find, buy, and ship). Someone cautioned me that the family member wouldn’t reimburse me, so I politely declined.

17. A similar thing happened to me. My last message to him around 8 years ago was left on read too before his last message with the favor. What a dick. I also left him on read.

18. I rekindle our relationship, help them out, and have a romantic vacation with them.

19. If you didn’t talk to them at home, why talk to them now? Ignore is correct.

20. “ Wow, that’s so great you’re coming and reached out. I’d be happy to meet up with you when your over here and let you buy me a nice dinner and catch up. For everything else, google works great. “

    Had a good amount of this from acquaintances. Very few took me up on the offer, those that did and paid the bill either had a great time and are still friends, or they never contacted me again. Either way, broke up monotony and free booze and food.

21. If I have time and they will be nearby I’m pretty much always happy to get dinner or drinks with them or answer questions they have about travel, but anything beyond that depends on how well I know them (or used to). I’ve relied on and wanted to see friends (not necessarily the same ones) when I’ve traveled back home or to wherever they live, so I see it as returning or passing on the favor if it’s reasonable and relatively low effort/cost for me.

    What has happened a few times is some of my parents’ friends visit Japan and ask me to get dinner with them when I barely know them if at all and may not have anything in common. That’s less fun, especially if my parents have already said yes on my behalf.

22. >I ignored it. They didn’t even like me in the first place.

    Unless I’m close to them, I’d only help if I thought they had some sort of skill/connection I could call upon in future (ie they owe me a favor that actually means something).

    If it’s the leech-type who just take and never give (or have nothing to give) then yeah just ignore them. Nothing good comes of it beyond them likely asking you again in future (and still offering nothing in return).

23. I leave them on read if we’re only “friends”, and for close friends I try to help them only if I can do what they requested within 15 minutes and using my computer. If the request requires me to go outside somewhere to purchase something, yeah nah. Unless they’re like one of my *super close* friends.

    For general questions like “which town should I visit?” I just give them run-of-the-mill Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto answer lol

24. I told them not to bother people’s family for personal info on FB, and I told my brother to stop giving my email to strangers on the internet like a senile boomer.

25. “Hey, good to hear from you! Oh wow, that sounds really exciting! I’ll be busy when you’re in town but here are some links to some good restaurants and stuff:”

    And that’s it. If it’s someone you were never close with in the first place, just ignore from the beginning.

26. It’s funny because my girlfriend and I just had this conversation yesterday.

    Her (very distant) cousin, whom she only met once, messaged her to ask if they could explain the whole application procedure and what they should do (interview advice, where to apply and generally the whole “tour guide” experience once they arrive).

    Mind you she has only met this cousin once.

    I being the bastard that I am said “fuck him and move on with life” because ain’t no one has time for leeches.

    She feels bad because “aww he needs help and family”. I laugh.

    All in all she understands my perspective of things (that being exactly the same as you) and I will always say that people who contribute nothing to your life, even on the communication front, can go fuck themselves.

    Good on you man. Save your good for the good people!

27. I have people *I don’t even know* send me messages on various social media asking me to do stuff like this for them. There are paid services for this sort of thing; go ask them!

    Anyway, I don’t reply. The worst is when they don’t lead with it so you’re stuck having a conversation about nothing until they drop it on you, but then just say “I’m sorry, no” and/or block them.

28. new phone who dis

29. Pretend you were in a horrible accident years ago resulting in reduced brain function.

30. I simply ignore people I’m not very close to. Especially people who want to use my apartment as a post box.

    手間かけるから

31. That and somehow throwing you in a group chat *”hey X this is XX my friend who lives in japan ill let you ask him the questions you had directly on here ! XX i count on you to give all your hidden gems ;))) “* gosh.
    I usually say *”sure, when you have your itinerary and dates ready i can let you know of a few places around those areas”*, 99% of the time they never follow up because they were just subconsciously looking for someone to plan their trip for them. I don’t really blame them tbh, I’ve been guilty of the same when I started traveling Asia and knew people living in some destinations I was going to.

    As a temporary hobby I’ve been writing a private “local’s guide to Tokyo & Japan” which answers all the usual redundant questions and includes my opinions and experience in various places, I send that doc to people asking me for *”what daily budget, what area, how much time — and so on”* might come across as a bit cold to people being sent a document instead of candid advice on the spot but I got other things to do with my life than being the private tour operator for acquaintances at best.

32. “Hey, that’s great, sure, let me see what I can do. Since you are coming, would you mind buying me X and bringing it with you to Japan?”

    A: Yes – cool, I am gonna help them and get something I miss here in Japan

    B: No – cool, then I am gonna ignore their request too.

33. I have been pretty lucky to avoid this, but I have had several people visit that I worked with in NY. I usually took them out to dinner one night. I have my “set course” for visitors.

    One time I had a friend ask me to show around his sister and brother-in-law. That was borderline b/c I didn’t know them, but I did it anyway and it turned out pretty well. The fellow returned another time on business and he was a consultant at a big firm and ended up expensing a really nice night out.

    What I don’t like doing is fetching things for people. I did it 1x for a coworker’s child and it was quite a pain although I am glad the child was happy. But that search and send stuff – no. I avoid that like the plague.

    At this point, I am married with a child and my wife works, so I very directly tell people I am sorry but super busy and I wouldn’t be a good source of help.

34. Been in Japan awhile and never have been asked to do such a thing. Some people have wanted to meet up to reconnect during their trips but that’s all. Just ignore them if you’re into helping them out.

35. I barely do even small favors for friends who used to live in Japan or people I’ve known for a long time but not seen in years when they come to visit. Having become more introverted since 2020 made it a lot easier for me to say “no” to a lot of requests.

    The most I’ll do is order something online for someone as long as I’m paid up front and I just have to hold it until they arrive but even then, that’s it.

    Pre-2020 I did meet up with some people I only casually knew but probably wouldn’t go out of my way unless it was a close friend or relative now. I value my time too much to bother dealing with randos.

36. Point them at r/Japantravel and then quit FaceBook like you know you should

37. Luckily I don’t experience this just cause I stopped updating all my social media after I arrived here so only close family and friends know that I’m here.

    Suddenly talking to you and asking favors after not talking for a long time doesn’t really mean a bad thing as long as you are willing to invest you time for them. Might even create/rekindle a new friendship. But seeing as you are already set that they don’t like you and it seems you don’t like them either so its best to just ignore them.

    Not your case but for people that suddenly contacts you and talks to you on things that involves money, RUN Away as far as you can from that person. lol

38. “Sure. Just give me an extra $150 USD cash so I can get my ticket to Creamfields.”

    If they’re immediately coming up to you solely for tix, chances are they haven’t changed. You’d think they’d at least have the common courtesy to warm you up to it. JEEEEEEEZ.

39. Plenty. Honestly, quit social media. It’s awful for you anyway, and this stops it. I did that and gave out my email address for anyone who wants to contact me to actually communicate, not to “like” stuff or tell me happy birthday when Facebook reminds them. I got a couple emails but the rest dropped off, and I feel like that’s fine.

40. Just say “sure. send me double the ticket price by tomorrow plus a miscellaneous fee.”

    If they refuse then block.

41. “I’m busy sorry”

42. Shit, people started to forget I existed in my hometown a few years after I got to Japan. Great by me.

43. > *”I cannot remember the last time you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee…”*

    > ^(Don Corleone, on his daughter’s wedding day)

44. I’m involved in a couple of hobby forums where the hobby involves (to some extent) products made in Japan which can be difficult to obtain outside Japan, and quite often some random forum member has the brilliant idea of asking me if I’d be so kind to hunt down some random niche item and send it to them for the cost of the item + postage. Depending how cheeky the request is, I reply with a list of suppliers in Japan who will (for a fee) perform that task, and/or offer to do it in exchange for a particular niche item available outside Japan which is rarer than hen’s teeth.

45. I have a pre made google sheet of things to do based on other people’s trips that I forward to them

    Buying things is reserved for close family

    General advice if I’m bored when they message

46. Lucky!
    Only my dad has visited once in 20yrs. I’d be happy if anyone I knew came to visit.

47. Just recently I was contacted by one of said friends. She’s graduating and wants to celebrate with a holiday in Japan.

    Her intention was that of sleeping at my place and using me as her personal guide and travel designer.

    Rich request for someone who doesn’t even have the time to reply to a text or check in on you.