I’ve been studying Japanese for 5 years and will finally be visiting for the first time! I’ll be doing a homestay in Japan for the summer. It’s a 6-week program and every week I’ll be staying with a new Japanese family in a new town. I have no influence on who I stay with and no contact with them until I show up. I need advice on food.
I am an extremely picky eater. I don’t eat any meat and usually say I’m a vegetarian because it’s easier. Seafood is especially bad and I can’t eat fish without gagging. I’ve tried for years to learn to like more foods but haven’t been successful.
Above all, I just want to be polite.
Normally I would force myself to eat about a third of the meal but have heard it’s considered rude to not finish everything on your plate in Japan. Is this a hard and fast rule? I know it’s most important to finish all the rice but I can do that easily. I just don’t know if it’s physically possible for me to eat a whole meal of food that makes me feel sick. I can probably get through a couple of pieces of sushi, sashimi, takoyaki, etc. without gagging but I don’t know if I can do more than that. How rude would it be not to eat all of it? Would it be easier to tell them I can’t eat much without feeling sick or some other excuse? Obviously, “picky eating” isn’t really a thing in Japan and even in America I’ve never met anyone with as severe eating issues as me, so it wouldn’t really be possible to explain it.
I honestly plan to tell them I’m on a diet and hope that since I’m slightly overweight (by American standards, probably plenty overweight by Japanese) they’ll accept that pretty quickly.
I know quite a bit of Japanese so it won’t be too difficult to communicate but I really, REALLY do not want to be rude or put them out in any way.
22 comments
Just tell them your dietary restrictions.
Your program should ask if you have and will tell your host family about them.
It’s their job to accommodate you.
Don’t force yourself to waste food.
Explain your needs and work on accommodations.
Like, many sushi places have no seafood options. And you don’t HAVE TO try takoyaki.
Leaving food on your plate is rude in Japan, but it’s the same rudeness as in any other country. It’s not something that’s unique to Japan. Just think like you’re staying over at your friends place. That said, avoiding seafood is pretty easy. Sashimi and sushi isn’t something that Japanese people eat daily, especially at home. Same with takoyaki. Just tell them you’re a picky eater and apologize in advance, so that you don’t have to reject food after being taken to a sushi restaurant or anywhere that specializes in food that use meat.
Many families might prepare a lot of food as part of their hospitality to welcome you and you might feel unconfortable with some of the strange local dishes. (There are some foods that even Japanese people cannot eat willingly.)
But you are already courteous, polite, thoughtful enough to consider in advance what you can do. It is not rude at all to have a conversation with your host family about what you can, cannot, want, and do not want eat.
In Japan, the understanding of picky eaters and eating disorders is slow and individualized. The more rural you are, the more peer pressure there is, but that does not mean they do not want to understand you, just that it is normal. There should be respect for the individual, respect for you, and love for you. I hope you have lovely time in Japan with understanding families♡
I am a Hafu and spent parts of my childhood, all of my teens, and parts of my 20s and 50’s in Japan.
1. It is REALLY rude to not finish all the food that is given to you. When you leave food behind you are insulting the cook by basically telling them not only was the food not ‘good enough’ but that they guessed wrong on the portions. If any of my friends did NOT finish what was given to them by my Mom, they would NEVER get reinvited. This is due to the Japanese culture to NOT waste anything, food most of all. This was rough on my wife (GF at the time as due to her being a ballerina, she ate like a bird most of the time), it took her a looooong time to finish what little my Mom had even given her. (Yes, I had let my Mom know that she did not eat large portions.)
2. You do not have to tell anyone that you are a “picky eater”. Just tell people you have an allergy towards the foods that make you feel ill and they often understand and NOT offer those foods to you. However, do understand that some of your host families may NOT understand this NOR believe you. I used to ask every restaurant chef in Japan what was used to cook as I am VERY allergic to avocados. Now, as Japan normally uses Sesame oil, Peanut Oil, Safflower Oil, or other vegetable oils to cook, I don’t usually worry about it. But, depending on the restaurant, if I see an Avocado, I ask how it gets used in that restaurant.
It normally goes over more smoothly if you just say you have an allergy. Tell your program beforehand but in my experience, most Japanese homecooked meals consist of mixed meat, fish, vegetables, and rice. For example, Mapo tofu is served with minced meat and spices, but that is only one dish in the meal, they might have a salad with ham or another meat. Depending on where you go they don’t have as many diverse options. Most people in Japan just eat traditional meals and vegetarian meals are not as common. They are becoming more popular but mostly in rich cities.
But to be honest I would say if you have real allergies there is nothing you can do but politely decline. If you just don’t enjoy the food, in general, I hope you can give Japanese food a chance. You are going to visit a different culture with a different diet. It would be a shame to miss out on this rare chance to try new exciting flavors. You don’t have to eat everything they offer but you might be surprised by something you normally don’t eat.
Honestly there’s a lot of risk of insulting someone or at the very least inconveniencing them. Traveling abroad is hard for picky eaters. Not to be harsh, but maybe just try to put up with it? You might end up liking the foods you try. If you turn things down constantly and waste food, that will definitely not leave a good impression.
leaving homemade food on the plate when you’re a guest is kind of rude everywhere, there’s quite a bit of dishes that use little to no meat to not meat at all, but depending on where you stay they might be fish-based and meat-based as well, it all depends on the local culture, being straightforward works the best, just tell them before hand. didn’t they (whoever planned the program) make you sign some allergy-related list? I think it’s standard to make sure every family knows they won’t kill you
It’s totally fine if you just explain that you hate fish. Many Japanese people think all foreigners hate fish and they’d be more surprised if you actually like it.Two of my closest friends hate fish and they are both Japanese.
It might be a bit difficult to eat 100% vegetarian, but you can absolutely avoid all seafood and still eat plenty of the traditional foods here. Do you have any examples of the foods you like?
RIP to your homestay experience…
I agree with the commenters suggesting you say it’s an allergy. This saves face for the hosts if you’re in a situation where fish is presented to you and you can’t eat it, and makes it clear for any future eating planning what you can’t have.
Don’t embellish and say you’ll die but just be honest and say it hurts your tummy and makes you sick.
Personally sushi is my favorite food in the world and I couldn’t stomach it at all until I was in my 20s, just putting that out there. But there are plenty of non fish staple foods in Japan. E.g. a common set meal could be tofu, pickled vegetables, miso soup and rice.
Good luck and have fun OP, I’m sure you’ll love Japan despite this hiccup.
You may have chosen the wrong country if you literally cannot eat seafood without gagging.
I think everyone has given good advice about saying you have an allergy but there are lots of people who will hear that and not really understand. So you will probably still encounter a dish with some sort of seafood in it at some point, even if it’s just dashi used as seasoning or sauce. It’s that ubiquitous.
But also OP, if you can’t eat seafood without gagging this sounds more like you’re experiencing some sort of eating disorder more than simply being a picky eater. Have you considered seeing a professional to discuss this? You may find there’s some trauma you associate with foods and a professional may be able to help you overcome that.
After all, why visit another country if you’re not going to broaden your horizons?
I think you should be very upfront about that. Anyone can try to be smart about culture this and that, lie or try to be overly nice about things, but if I were you, I can’t enjoy the start that way. My family used to take international kids to my home, and mine were very understanding about the different culture and wanted to learn about it also. It doesn’t mean that my family would’ve understood your culture or likings, but they would respect what the guest says. And if you tried to hint or use some trick to have then adjust to you, then they’re just won’t pick it up and assume that you’re unhappy ir ride in the worst case.
Leaving food is not rude only in Japan, so forget about that. Why don’t you share your passion about Japan, and how you’ve tried to like Japanese food and how it didn’t work, and that you would like to enjoy and explore what you can eat instead of what you already know that you can’t (like fish, rice and all).
I lived with host family in the US and I didn’t like their food very much. I tried but I chose to be honest in the end. When you’re in the good term then they won’t be offended. It’s been 10 years but I’m seeming them in Japan this summer. So I’d say be ready to enjoy it. Who knows, you might find piece of bread in Japan tasty.
Most Japanese meals contain “dashi” soup-stock as ingredients (contains shitake mushrooms and bonito fish flakes) which is the main component of most soups & sauces. My Japanese vegan friends actually found it easier to find purely vegan food outside of Japan due to this cultural culinary tradition. As such, vegans are not as common in Japan, I hope your host families won’t find it too difficult to accommodate your needs. Pure rice/vegetables won’t be difficult to prepare, but the sauces and condiments are rarely vegan so what you are requesting will be quite bland.
Extremely picky eater with dietary restrictions? Yeah, Japan is gonna be fun for you.
So, here’s the thing. What Japanese hate the most is NOT finishing your plate, being picky eater, etc. It’s wasting food. It’s considered to rude to not finish your plate because the food would go to waste. It’s not some sort of religious creed.
So definitely tell them what you can and can’t eat, or how much you can eat without feeling sick. They might not like it but they don’t have to waste food if they knew it beforehand.
By the way, they don’t serve sushi or takoyaki as daily meals. They are only served at restaurants and shops.
Food is one of the most important pieces of any culture. I’m not sure a homestay experience is for you if you have such strict preferences. Not eating what you’re given in Japan is considered quite rude, and seafood is one of the staples of Japanese cuisine.
Did you start out with CA rolls first? Most kids start out with CA rolls and then spicy tuna rolls. More fish for the rest of us!
The yakisoba that you get from convenience stores over there is so fucking good. Just eat that all the time.
That’s what I did!
Well ok not exactly. I still made an effort to eat everything my host family put in front of me… except the BBQ’d shrimp heads. Everyone has a line.
But honestly, you should be fine as long as you make an effort. If your host family makes dinner for you, do your best to eat what you can. Even if you hate it. They likely won’t expect you to love everything they feed you. Most host families understand that there are differences in culture and diet, and they will make allowances for that if they see you trying.
The important thing is to never refuse something without trying it first. If they offer you natto-, tell them you have already tried it and it’s not for you.
Don’t tell them you have a seafood allergy. Those are really serious and you would end up causing your host family a lot of stress if you tell them that.
I did 2 homestays as part of an exchange during high school – one in a town in Niigata prefecture and the other in…I can’t remember but it was rural. At the time I was vegetarian and my program let my families know. There was no issue at all with food. There were a variety of foods offered at meal time (tofu, vegetables, bread, salads) and no one made me put anything on my plate that I couldn’t/didn’t want to eat. A few years ago I went back as a strict vegan and while I didn’t do a homestay, I met up with friends and we all ate tons of amazing food – my veganism was not a burden or insult to anyone’s cooking.
I think a lot of the alarmist comments you’re getting are from people who have never experienced dietary restrictions. It’s really no big deal. I’ve been to several countries where I’ve stayed with or had meals in people’s homes, and somehow have never insulted anyone – don’t worry too much =)
Hey may I ask what program are you doing? It sounds cool!
Dont say youre a picky eater or how you gag when youre eating X or Y. Personally i wouldnt wanna hear any of it so just tell them youre a vegetarian and leave it at that.
Having people rejecting your food when you wanna give them a good experience is very discouraging, not to mention annoying having to accomodate your meals for just one person, but of you really suffer that much then just stick to that, youre a “vegetarian”, period.
Pack some beyond meat slim jims and Kraft Dinner boxes
gotta say its a bruh moment, I dont think you should do a homestay,
or a stay home in the US, you can rent an apartment for a reasonable price