Hello.
I’ll try to be succinct because we’re literally against a clock: my wife’s Aunt is suicidal. Yesterday she tried to hang herself in her bedroom (she is 50 but still lives with her parents). Luckily, her mum found her and managed to save her this time, but she has said she will try it again.
Many of the members of my wife’s family aren’t trying to do anything to save her, and have just said to wait and be prepared for her to succeed in suicide.
Is there any system of enforced hospitalization for suicidal people in Japan, or do we have to try other methods?
Any help would be appreciated.
24 comments
It might sound wierd, but first thing that stops people from thinking about suicide is “hunger”
When hunger kicks in, you lose all control of your body. You care about nothing, and you are ready eat a live rat if that is the only thing you can find.
Even though hunger will kill you eventually, no suicial person will commit suicide when they are hungry. Thats why there is always shit on the floor when someone hangs them selves.
Hunger strike exists, but it requires a strong will, so its not suited for a person who just wants to end it all.
So what am i trying to say?
Go to camping with her, 1 week, with barely any food. It will being back the feeling of being alive.
Nah too much work?
Well, then you didnt care much about her anyway.
take her to a mental clinic or hospital. she needs professional help, a psychiatrist to diagnose her and can give her medication or therapy
She’s part of the lost generation. At that age, in this society, there is a slim chance for her to be happy. It’s gonna sound like a terrible option, but as her family has said, its best to just wait until she succeeds.
Because she will. She’s an adult, she can do all the things she needs to do to be able to succeed by herself. If its not hanging herself, itll be driving a car into the ocean, or onto a train track, or walking infront of a train, or any of the thousands of ways to off yourself.
You can try counseling but I honestly don’t think its going to work.
Forced hospitalization in mental hospital is horrible abuse. You should know that mental hospitalizations in Japan ties people up in bed not allowing movement for months at a time. Also once someone is under 医療保護入院 they will very likely be hospitalized for life, and doctors commonly cut off all contacts with outside world including family members.
https://www.nichibenren.or.jp/en/document/statements/211015.html
https://note.com/omh/n/n72868924bd1a
Edit:
https://mainichi.jp/articles/20230529/k00/00m/040/039000c
Mainichi reporting it today. Glad to see this horrible human rights abuse getting more attention on Japanese main stream media. Ive been trying to spread the word on this for years. But i feel nothing will change until there’s more international outcry due to the amount of entrenched financial interests
14- year old girl tied up for 77 straight days:
https://bunshun.jp/articles/-/53171
Other abuse cases being made public (including university hospitals)
https://www.asahi.com/sp/articles/ASQ3K3HZVQ2SUTIL05V.html
https://www3.nhk.or.jp/news/html/20230224/amp/k10013990221000.html
https://www.asahi.com/sp/articles/ASQ4766XVQ47UTIL02J.html
Your wife can find any resource far easier than we can. Ask for her help.
I don’t have any recommendations for resources, but I wanted to just share this, which I’ve found helpful to help me understand them just a little bit.
*”Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”*
*-* [David L. Conroy](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1673892.David_L_Conroy)*, Out of the Nightmare: Recovery from Depression and Suicidal Pain.*
She needs people to watch her 24/7 until she is in a better place, if the people she is with don’t care then its very difficult to stop her. You could put her in mental care but this will do nothing for her mental health, it will only keep her alive while making her life significantly worse.
I’ll just say this:
“Where there is a Will, there is a way.”
If she is set on trying to end it, she will continue doing that until she succeeds and no amount of “help” will do much of anything except perhaps delay it a bit.
What you would need to do to “stop her”, is change her mind.
Which I don’t know if she is even open to, but your best option is likely to try to get her to open up about her motivation someway or the other and try to rectify the issues.
If she won’t speak to family then perhaps she will speak to a Psychiatrist?
Often easier said than done to get someone to actually open up about their deepest darkest problems, so Good luck.
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Keep this in mind though: You cannot stop someone who wants to end their life; Unless of course, you abuse them by stripping them of ALL their movements by strapping them to a bed or the likes.
I did the same thing and was found by a gf once. Having gone through with the act was itself in a way transcendental. I felt like although I had survived, something had died. After that my outlook on life has been very much chill. I consider that since in another eventuality I died that day, the rest of life can be just whatever.
This is probably the worst way to go about it though and I suppose I was lucky.
In addition to calling TELL and Japanese hotlines: so, I know this is going to sound terrible at first, but I’d generally rather choose death than be institutionalized, especially in Japan. Be very, very careful if you go this route because the aunt might end up basically a miserable vegetable (due to heavy drugs) for the rest of her life, which she might spend in the hospital.
I’d say the first thing would be to talk to the aunt and find out what’s going on. If she agrees to go to a psychiatrist (look for personal recommendations), don’t say she’s tried to commit suicide because I think she could be committed against her will in that case. There are therapists, too, and support groups for all sorts of issues.
One thing that’s really important to remember is that the person needs to want help, too. Sadly there’s not much one can do, other than turn them into a vegetable, if they don’t want help.
ITT people advising mental hospitals which is a place worse than hell.
The lady is 50 years old. It’s her life and body, let her decide what she wants to do instead of imposing torture on her. Ugly situation, but it’s the right choice.
Each case is different and what I’m going to say may be very different from your situation, as I don’t know all the details of what’s going on in your family. Often the person who commits suicide surprises everyone, as no one realized in time that it could happen. In other emblematic cases, there are people who are on the edge of emotional deprivation and learn that the only way to receive attention of any value is through self-sabotage, self-mutilation, unsuccessful suicide attempts and finally, at a terminal level, when they actually attempt suicide. , when there is a possibility of being discovered in time. Unfortunately, it’s common for children and teenagers to do this, but it’s not discovered in time. To me, it looks like she needs treatment for emotional deprivation. 24-hour caregiver follow-up is also necessary until the situation stabilizes. Good luck.
Situation 1: you don’t do anything and she kills herself.
Situation 2: you put her in hospital and she is tied down for 10 days and dies.
Situation 3: You put her in hospital and they help.
Basically the same outcome anyway, sometimes you need to restrain people because they will kill themselves anyway.
Sorry to be glib, but welcome to Japan. If the relatives aren’t doing anything, there isn’t much you can do about it. You can try telling the cops. But, you’ll just be making trouble.
I helped a ‘crazy aunt’ once. Got food for the grandfather while he tried to help her. She didn’t last much longer. It was sad and unfortunate. I had appreciation and respect by the grandfather until he passed. Mind you, this guy was a WWII-era farmer. I cried hard at his funeral. He welcomed me in from the very beginning.
I used to volunteer on the suicide hotline – in the US (call: 988), not in Japan.
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>enforced hospitalization for suicidal people
Just so you know, the prevailing approach is to empower the caller to decide to save themself, and definitely not to call the cops on them, tie them up, confine them in a padded cell, or anything like that.
I know it’s hard to hear, but you can’t “save other people” – you can only listen and give them the help (that they ask for) so that they can decide to save themself.
Active, empathetic listening is a great start.
Unless you’re rich and afford some very good facilities and private nurses, these hospitals for old and mentally impaired are pretty questionable. Better off at home
Many people have written lots of things here.
I guess it boils down to the same set of questions:
what is your goal or ideal outcome?
what would be the possible means to arrive at that goal?
have you considered what will be required from you for each of those means?
how much are you willing to sacrifice to achieve that goal?
as others have mentioned, what problems does the aunt have that make her suicidal?
is it financial (debt)? romance? loneliness? guilt? dignity? injury? terminal illness? severe dissatisfaction over something in her life? You need to figure that out, by yourself or with help of the family or therapists, before you can actually help her. From there, try to alleviate these factors that drive her to self-harm and get her back on her own feet.
The wife’s family members may have considered these causes and means, and arrive at their conclusion that ‘saving’ her requires too much ‘sacrifice’ that would harm their own livelihood. They have their own families already, after all. This isn’t always financial, sometimes it requires active presence of someone co-living with them, etc. Time and effort become more valuable than just money.
It’s sad but it’s the truth.
Source: I who witnessed large families abandoning one of their own unmarried, elderly uncles because ‘it’s too much’ to deal with.
Find a hospital with good reviews. They know what to do.
Call me cold, but as a Japanese person I actually don’t understand the westerner’s obsession with trying to save someone who refuses to be saved.
Don’t get me wrong, its nice to keep everyone alive. But if saving the incident, reporting to authorities and finding an institution for them is step 1, then you’re not really invested in following them through step 2-10. Suicidal people in their late adulthood tend to have very complicated backgrounds and reasoning to their motive and its something you’re not going to vibe with or properly understand.
There’s a difference between being driven by a basic human desire to prevent somebody from dying in your presence (understandable) versus saving a person properly by giving them a purpose in life sufficient enough to nullify their need to die. Most people will never do the latter.
That being said, have you at least tried to consult your wife’s aunt and have a proper talk with her?
Don’t hospitalize her. I did it with my mom 5 times. She only suffered more and more.
At the end of the day I learned that while I was trying to help her I was ultimately doing it for me. I couldn’t accept her and her disease. I couldn’t give love to a mentally ill person. I’m way older now and I see life very, very differently from back then. The best you can do for her is this: smile at her, hug her, ask her how her day is doing, ask her to openly share what demons she is fighting, stay by her side, and encourage her. That’s the only real way you can save her, with compassion and purpose.
First and foremost, assure her that dying is a choice that she can make. Of course, you’d rather see her happy than sad, but outright saying “don’t die” never works.
Assuring her that it is a choice will make her feel that you’re not against her, and you’re just trying to help. The goal is not to make her live, it’s already bad enough for her. The goal should be to allow her to see what are the things you’re willing to offer her if she stay alive for just a while.
what’s the issue, what needs helping in.
I don’t know why so many people are recommending mental hospitals. The best way is to talk to her and understand her situation. Help her find a reason to live.
Knowing that people care about her deeply is important. If you ship her off to a stranger, it’s almost like you want to say you did something but can’t be bothered to do it yourself. If you want to help, help. People don’t magically get better when they go to mental hospitals or put on medication. They need lots of kind and loving support from the people close to them.
The sad truth is that if someone wanna put an end to his/her suffering, he/she will eventually succeed no matter what…It’s freedom.
Now what you guys can do is to try to talk to her. And go with her to see a professional than can give good advices and drugs that can help her get rid of her dark ideas.
I know it can be odd to see that no one is moving a finger to try to save her, but the family ties here are not as strong as in EU or the US.
Good luck mate
Judging by the replies already I’d say to avoid that route as long as possible, and to only go that way if you think it’s the only way to save her. Beyond that the only thing I can suggest is to have someone with her as much as possible and to keep her away from medications and anything that can be used as a weapon. I know this sounds like a band-aid solution, but considering what other comments have described in mental health facilities in this country it might be worth a shot.