A couple of years back when I was still in high school, I went to Kumamoto (including this in case of variation between areas) and did a home-stay program with a lovely family. My parents and I have recently decided to go to Japan and I’m organizing to have a meet up with my host family for dinner to introduce everyone and catch up. Obviously I think it’s only right that we get the bill since they have given me so much hospitality before – how do I offer to do this in a way that isn’t condescending or offensive? Is there Japanese phrase I could use? Also should I mention this in advance while we’re coordinating the meet up or at the restaurant? Thank you!
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My wife battles with her father to pay for restaurants when we go back. It’s impossible. Recently he came to Australia. And he let us/my dad pay. He said when in Japan he’s the パパ when in Australia my dad is papa. Implying it’s his home, he’s the parent, he looks after his kids.
If they’re your japan ‘parents’ maybe they pay and you offer but just be happy that they’re happy to treat you and let them treat you. If they ever visit your home country, maybe that’s when you pay.
(I don’t think offering or pulling you wallet out would be condescending. But then just accept it when they refuse your offer to pay and don’t insist like the west does in that weird little dance we do. ‘No. I’ve got this one.’ No you got the last one. I must insist.’ No really carol I’ve got it.’ I am however not Japanese. So who knows.)
In my experience, just a sincere offer will likely have the same effect, although it will likely be declined
I understand your concern. Sometimes in China we just pretend to go to the Toilet. And silently pay the bill before everyone notice it…. lol.
That being said, it’s in their country, they may feel its proper for them to pay the bill. I will suggest you just express yourself directly.
素直に自分の気持ちを伝えるのが良いでしょう。文化によって異なるかもしれませんが、率直に気持ちを伝えることが一番です。
相手の気持ちにも配慮しながら、感謝の気持ちを伝え、以前お世話になったことに対して、今回は自分たちがご馳走しようということを伝えてみてはいかがでしょうか。
Does it have to be money? And what exact bill is this? Bill for the stay years ago??