I’ve been in Japan for nearly a decade but I just need some clarity regarding the question above. I’ve been told it’s considered rude or something you shouldn’t do but there are many things that are often said about Japan but are in actuality incorrect or overtly exaggerated.
This whole time I’ve avoided doing so but in return I feel it often leads to akwardness and misunderstanding during social interactions.
So what is your experience regarding this topic?
23 comments
How on earth do you talk to someone without looking straight at them lol? Sure it’s rude to look directly at someone on the train or in a restaurant etc, but that’s no different from any other country
Yes and no. Some people have this look in their eyes that make them look intimidating. So if you were ever told that you have this “problem”, work on breaking eye contact naturally every once in a while.
Never, never, NEVER look into someone’s eyes directly, UNLESS they are human and you are interacting with them, or might start to interact with them.
Conversely, if they ARE human, and you are interacting with them or about to attempt to do so, to not engage with their eyes makes things awkward.
Take my opinion with a grain of salt… I’ve been here for barely 30 years, so am still trying to figure things out.
I feel like it’s more accepted to look away more often here. But you still need eye contact lol.
Thinking about it now, in England I think I would maintain a bit more eye contact during conversations. If I looked away too much it would make me look bored or like I wasn’t listening? But here it feels natural to look down, look into space, look around and periodically make eye contact when both speaking and listening.
Idk though because it just comes naturally. But you still definitely need eye contact haha, otherwise the interaction is awkward!
It’s like staring into a 19th century camera, you’re stealing their soul
There are people who seek eye contact and who avoid eye contact. I have like 4 or 5 co workers in my baito, only 1 of them constantly avoids eye contact with co-workers or customers. So i do the same to her, it’s apparent that for some reason she don’t engage in eye contact. I never look at her in the face even. For the others, I talk with my eyes glued to theirs.
It’s not rude but most people don’t look in the eye anyway.
Also don’t ask such questions on Reddit, it’s full of biased and skewed population.
it varies, so i just take cues from each person. i always make *some* eye contact to show engagement but if they don’t hold it for long, neither will i. it does seem to be more common here to avoid prolonged eye contact than where i’m from. one trick i was told is to focus on a point slightly off from their eyes, so you’re still facing them and can see expressions, etc. but not staring directly. takes some getting used to, tho, lol.
目は口ほどにものを言う
yes you can look into the eyes at strangers on the train
I’m Japanese (albeit born and raised in the US) and I’ve talked to Japanese people who say the way Americans give eye contact can be a bit intense, which I can understand.
Japanese people, I find, give eye contact, but also break eye contact fairly often. It’s not a long, consistent stare that some foreigners do.
Depends on gender, male to male is OK, male to female can and will be construed as sexual harassment if the female doesn’t like you. So choose your battles.
That’s a really subtle thing.
You are supposed to look at other people’s eyes when talking to them, but not stare to not make them uncomfortable.
So look at people’s eyes to show that you are listening but divert your gaze once in a while.
The person who gave you the advice might have confused the Japanese with dogs, which is very rude.
You should look your own dog into its eyes, but not other people’s dog’s eyes because they may interpret it as a challenge/aggressive
I only stare into people’s eyes if they look at me first. Afterwards, It proceeds to a staring contest. If I win, I’ll know I’ve established my dominance as the superior being, life will be good. (Totally kidding. I think Japanese peeps make contact but break it often to avoid awkward situations)
Don’t stare at peoples’ boobs!
Hmm…. From my experience, it’s not rude to look people in their eyes, but rather staring/ looking eyes for an extended period of time can and often is considered rude; Especially if the other person is one considered “above” you. (I.e older than you/ Higher position than you)
You do want to look them in their eyes, just keep it short and concise, and rather fleeting, using eye contact to put emphasis on what you want to say.
Just don’t [wink](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/12b7wia/comment/jevx5g2/) at people and you should be fine!
People look me in the eye all the time even on trains, especially ji-san 50 year olds
Jesus. Where do people come up with this stuff?
You know how the Japanese pick an Akita Inu that’s a keeper? It’ll look you right in the eyes, and hold eye contact.
I guess it depends on the situation. In formal meetings you’ll probably have some documents in front of you or something so you can break contact easily. More tricky when they’re right in front of you.
I probably goes back to the whole culture of お辞儀/bowing and 目上/”looking up to seniors”. So while it’s fine for them to stare you down, you’re expected to look down at your feet in shame/respect.
Makes it less tense when you’re the leader talking to a large group with all their eyes on you.
I may be wrong but I feel like it makes sense.
I grew up in Japan. I remember being taught, when I was a child, to look at the people’s nose, mouth, and necktie when having a conversation, and make occasional eye contact to show agreement.
Personally I’d take a look at their eyes when they’re not looking at me, because sometimes the eyes can tell their 本音. But I’ll take my eyes off the moment they start looking at my eyes, unless I want to strongly imply that I agree with what they’re saying.
At the urinal it sometimes can be considered friendly
In the business world (just my opinion btw), in the west you are not supposed to break contact as it shows you’re paying attention. But in Japan, you want to look at like below or above eye level. And nod while they’re speaking to affirm you’re listening. Or give eye contact and break often. Giving long lasting eye contact to strangers, even workers in the store, in my opinion is rude unless you are trying to get their attention.