How do you react when someone’s sleeping on your shoulders in a train?

42 comments

1. Two options: gentle shoulder shrug or lean forward.

2. use your shoulder to gently push them off you. If it keeps happening, either say something or push harder.

3. I just let them keep sleeping. I don’t care who it is, or if someone else is staring. We’re all just passengers together in this trip called life.

4. If they’re not super sweaty or reek let them sleep if you can stomach it. It’s your having a seat tax on the commute. If you start pushing them off, chances are you’ll be doing that all the way until one of you gets off the train. If you don’t like people staring at you, which is a sentiment I share, all you can do is either abandon your seat or gently and repeatedly push them off. Leaning forward may not work if it’s very crowded. If you want to be really passive aggressive about it, buy a ¥100 pillow and throw that in your workbag. Deploy that on a sleeper and they’ll either thank you or be terribly ashamed.

5. I just let them sleep unless they stink or are otherwise physically revolting. Poker face and look at phone.

6. This is a dilemma? Either just roll with it if doesn’t bother you, or if it does bother you, wake them up or move. Doesn’t seem that complicated.

7. Usually my Gaijin Invisible Protective Force Field sufficiently discourages anyone from sitting next to me on the train in the first place, let alone falling asleep on me. So I’ve never encountered this problem. If you find that people are evading yours you may want to contact the manufacturer about a repair.

8. Depends who it is.

   Stinky ojisan? I’m pushing back quick

   A cute girl? 🙂

9. I let them sleep as long as they aren’t bothering me or offensively smelly or gross. I’m pretty fine with sharing my physical space. As a woman, I get aggressive and do the hard shoulder bump if it’s a man I suspect is just trying to have physical contact with me.

10. >I had a young lady sitting by my side, putting her head literally on my shoulders and sleeping. It was super awkward. Without saying anything, I tried to make her feel that I am feeling uncomfortable And was acting like I am sleeping too. She would realize it, say sumimasen and do the same again

    Typical K-drama <3

11. I (male) once fell asleep on the train and tilted my head over onto the lady beside me. I was then violently awoken by her full-on-self-defense-palm-strike shoving my head the other way.

    You could try that and see how it goes.

12. I’m not sure I understand *what* is bothering you: people leaning on you to sleep or other people watching on as this is happening?

    If the former, I don’t have advice for you; I just let people enjoy their nap and feel humbled that they don’t mind using a gaijin’s shoulder for it.

    If the latter, my strategy is to stare straight back at them. That usually shuts them down real quick. But even better: don’t care in the first place — if you can get there, mentally. Let people stare. So what.

    EDIT: Just saw your edit so I’d like to add this: I always try to ask myself, if I wouldn’t be aware of X happening, would it affect me in any way? If not, I try not to care about it. In your case, let’s say you fell asleep on the train, woke up an hour later at your station. People might have stared at you all the time, but you’re blissfully unaware and it has no effect on your life. So why should it be any different just because you noticed? Maybe that can help. It helps me.

13. I try to quickly move my shoulder upward in a way that maximizes pain. I’ve read people learn quicker from painful experiences.

    Edit: The word gently appears in half the comments, what the hell lol. My body isn’t your sofa, even if you’re “cute”.

14. Just cough or clear your throat, or change your posture and most likely they’ll wake up.

15. Pass a little gas, not too much as to disturb everyone in the car, just enough for the shoulder intruder to get the point. That always does the trick.

16. You will get stared at regardless because you are black. The women likely has nothing to do with it.

17. If she’s hot it’s all good. If not, it’s off with you!

18. Stroke their hair and smell it. If it smells like lavender and lilac let them rest. If it smells like strong zero and piman wake them up

19. Move, letting someone sleep on your shoulder will be embarrassing for both parties

20. I take a selfie and send it to my best friend for lol and giggle

21. I for one start imagining aging alongside the person sleeping on my shoulders and how great our future marriage would be.

22. Be happy that you finally have a real life friend!

23. Hi!

    I’m not you, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable, then you’re probably looking uncomfortable, too. They might be watching you because, as you are a foreigner, they don’t know what you might do. With another Japanese person of the same culture, they generally know what to expect.

    I am not sure it’s possible for you to just relax, but hey I am proud of you for being here, and it seems that you seem kind and gentle, so people are falling asleep next to you because they feel safe.

24. You’re a foreigner. They’ll stare no matter what. Do what you think is right and be kind to people.

25. But – but I always thought that no one wants to sit next to gaijins on the train

26. depends on how cute she is…

27. Silently kiss his bald head and snap a pic

28. If it’s a woman: ask them if they’d like to go bowling.

    If it’s a man: ask them if they’d like to go bowling.

    If there’s one on each side, offer to act as their matchmaker, and earn a generous fee.

29. Shrug them off once. Shrug harder the second time. Then I tell them to fuck off (not in those exact words, but). I’m not your fucking personal pillow. Learn how to manage your time better if you’re not getting enough sleep at home.

30. Try to be little spoon.

31. Kiss em goodnight and tuck em in

32. I cuddle back if they’re not creepy and sleep as well. I hope people are staring at both of us, because we’re adorable in that case. My contribution to world peace and Instabai.

33. If there is a Japanlife post about it, someone will be an asshole about it. I feel like we need a rule # for this, like rule 34. You don’t have to tear into OP, just answer the question.

    And personally I just let it happen. It makes me feel like I’m approachable if people feel comfortable enough to sleep on me.

34. Take a selfie.

    Especially if it’s someone attractive and then you can tell all your co-workers that it’s your new partner.

35. Sleep on his lap assert dominance.

36. I claim them as mine and put them with the others at home.

37. Ive had this happen to me last week. A man in his 40s kept drowsing, the kind that you know they are trying to keep themselves from doing it. I let him. People are tired. A simple lean on your shoulders wont probably hurt. That was my first and only thought. Until I remember all the negative stories about sexual harassment in the train and then my mind was filled with all these stories. Plus people around me looking as if I did something. But whatever, I didn’t really do anything. He could just really be tired.

38. Flashback to that time not one, but two ladies fell asleep on my shoulder in the train, one on each side.

    It felt like I was in a Wes Anderson movie.

39. Going off a thread from the other week:

    Take a selfie together, add a cheeky caption like “LOL! Sleepy much?”.

    Then Airdrop to everyone on the train.

40. I’m a giant white man so Japanese people tend not to come/sit near me anyway.

41. Kinda black, what does that mean,?

42. As a New Yorker, falling asleep on a train is a huge NO. So it goes against my survival instincts. I absolutely hate it when strange people sleep on me. This is a public train, not your bedroom. I do the hard shoulder shove. They get the hint the first time around.