Hi. I’ve checked the search bar and there doesn’t seem to be another topic along these lines.
Back in May, I took up an long-term assignment, as part of the finance team of our logistics firm’s APAC HQ (in Tokyo). For reference, I’m originally from Italy, but have spent most of my life in the UK owing to school and work.
My question is a simple one: Is there a dating scene here where westerners date other westerners? The general impression I’ve gotten is that both western men and women here seem to primarily date locals. If I’m being completely blunt, I don’t find Japanese women attractive – both physically and in terms of personality – the affected cutesyness is overly fake and childlike for me, and something of a turn off. It is not romantic at all.
Where do you go if you want to have a serious relationship with another western expat here? I’d ideally like to find a woman of European descent who is also into dating expats. Are there particular bars, clubs, hangout spots etc? (Part of me feels I’m much too old for this sort of nightlife now anyway). Should I be blunt on my Tinder profile and say I’m exclusively looking for western women?
I’d also like to hear from people who are dating/married to other expats here. How do you find the experience? Is it easier to navigate the culture with another foreigner, given that you both are equally clueless? Is it nice to have someone you relate to on some deeper level, be it cultural, linguistic etc by your side when you’re in a foreign place?
Thank you 🙂
12 comments
Use one of the foreign dating apps like Bumble? Or just hang out with other expats – you’re likely to meet their friends.
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Considering how both men and women here complain about bad relationships and not being able to find anyone, sometimes I wonder if this sub is where people should try to set up dates.
Why not find an English speaking local?
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Basically, your requirements are such a “special” combination that it’s going to be really tough to find someone that is anywhere to a close fit. Your preference for Western types means that, even out of the foreign population in Japan, you are filtering out a lot of people. Considering that of the 3 or so million foreigners in Japan the vast majority are Asians (mostly Chinese and Korean) you are probably left with a pool of 200k or so “Western women”. And out of those quite a few are either going to be married one way or another, or they will be university students, on a work & travel visa, etc.
Not to dash your hopes, but I feel that you really shot yourself in the foot by accepting a long term assignment to a country where you don’t find the women attractive while simultaneously wanting to look for romance in that country. I guess you could try something like the Tokyo American Club to socialise – I am assuming that if you are working in the finance department on an assignment from your company you are probably going to be earning something like 15m+ JPY a year – but again, you might end up wasting a lot of money and time.
Maybe consider a LDR with someone from a country that more suits your preferences – with the Visa you probably have, you’d be able to sponsor her eventually coming to Japan and living with you.
Expats are kinda rare in Japan. European expats are even rarer. Female European expats are very rare. Single female European expats are so rare they are in the SSS gatcha territory.
Perhaps lowering your standards a little? Not all japanese are cutesy.
Online dating in Tokyo is indeed a cesspool. Why not find a group of people who do whatever hobby it is that you like to do, and go from there. There are plenty of Japanese people who have lived abroad and don’t exhibit the traits you dislike so much. If you want to meet well-adjusted foreigners with no interest in the locals… not sure what you expected really! Try Singapore.
How long is your assignment here? Just thinking about the sheer numbers involved, it will be very hard to find someone who is your type and also happens to be single. We’re talking about a fraction of a percent of the population here.
I’d honestly recommend searching for a girl in your home country and bringing her over, you’ll have much better chances.
The age is the biggest issue here tbh. The pool of successful 30+ European women here is already small, and then almost all of them will have been snapped up/came to Japan with their husbands and will not be single.
If you think about your requirement of women who are single, not too young, live here long term AND are interested in non-Japanese men the pool shrinks to almost zero imo. I think you’d probably be able to find some foreign divorced women who have gone off Japanese men, but otherwise I don’t see why the women you’re looking for would be single haha
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What you’re looking for exists, but there aren’t a lot of us and you’re not the only one looking for these criteria. I typically skip over foreign men if they don’t explicitly state they live in Japan long-term and if they’re not providers. Maybe try dating some other foreign ladies that aren’t white.