(Sorry for the long story) We have a semi-private class that is a news listening class. The sole student is a 55 year old surgeon (male) who has been coming for 10 years. When I started working here the style for years has been that my boss would burn the lastest BBC political news to a DVD and I would write up / print out questions around the stories.
*My boss asked me* to change the style because the student, refuses upgrade to a private class, it’s semi-private which means that other upper intermediate students can have a catch up lesson on the same slot, but in the past they often struggle with the style because it’s just politics and just answering written questions, when they come here for conversation. He has quite bad listening skills for anything other than politics. His speaking isn’t very good. So in an effort to make him move to private where he can request whatever he likes, or make the semi private class better for other people, my boss asked me to scrap the written questions and just use YouTube news videos on a wider variety of news stories. This also meant she could stop paying for BBC subscription on her TV, since he wouldn’t pay more for private class.
He asked her a month ago why it’s changed and she clearly explained. Then a few weeks ago he went behind her back and asked me directly. I just recycled what my boss told me. Then he did it again last week. I said I can’t do that – and to please take it up with my boss.
Yesterday, we had another upper intermediate student come for a catch up in his slot and I had selected a variety of stories; economics, BBC news about AI, and a story about new train technology. Throughout the class he was huffing and puffing and even threw his pen down a few times, and went on his phone. Other student noticed and was clearly uncomfortable.
At the end of the class, I said “any questions?” He started shouting at me saying “I’ve asked you two-three times now – WHY DO YOU NOT CHOOSE POLITICS OR WORLD NEWS?!!!!” I took a breath and calmly replied “Sir this isn’t a private class and we can’t make specific requests unless it’s fully private because I have consider everyone in the class-” he cut across me saying “ever since YOU came along” and pointed at me “the style changed and it’s NOT GOOD!” at this point he was frothing at the corners of his mouth, and the other student who is a young woman, looked very shocked got up and said “ok I’ll just go, see you on Saturday…”
I said very calmly “sir, please go talk to (boss name)” so he did and tutted as he left my class, and they had it out. Boss then asked me why I used some news stories not from BBC but she had said some time ago it didn’t have to be BBC news. She obviously forgot that, but regardless she defended us and they had it out. He said it should all be BBC. One was from Guardian and the other the Wall Street Journal. He said he’ll leave if it’s not politics or BBC every time so I will now have to ensure that’s the case.
I was very shaken up and upset – I feel so guilty even tho I just did what I understood my boss wanted. Now I’ve been shouted at like a little girl. I just feel gross.
Moving forward I don’t want to be nice with him. I would like an apology but boss said let’s just pretend like nothing happened. It feels like he has a problem with me specifically and doesn’t understand that my boss made this decision, not me. He wasn’t shouting with her just moody. I don’t know how to move forward. Any advice?
28 comments
He crossed a line and I’d probably ask the boss to either give him a final warning or kick him out of the school. Cause you’ll have a bigger issue if other students start leaving.
Don’t take it personally. I don’t know him, but I’ve worked in customer service before, plenty of entitled people will explode at the front-line employees, knowing full well it’s not their decision yet they have to stay polite. Being polite to your boss was the dead giveaway that this is the case.
Of course, try to switch the class with another teacher if you can. If that’s not an option, I would suggest E-mailing your boss or otherwise getting in writing the expectations of the class, so you have something to fall back on if someone tries to throw you under the bus over this.
If your boss isn’t willing to drop him and you’re stuck with him, you’ll have to make a difficult choice about staying or revising your availability etc., but only you can decide what is best for your situation. Don’t let his anger get to you, because if you respond with anything other than calm politeness, you will be the bad guy unfortunately.
OP I would stand firm and tell your boss that you need an apology from him and you will not pretend it didn’t happen. I would also tell the boss if he has an outburst like this again, that you will not be dealing with it and that it is 100% the boss problem. Let the boss deal with his tantrums.
Unfortunately for you, you are stuck facing the service side of the industry with the students, not just the education side.
Definitely need to escalate this to your boss. They should be the one dealing with this if they are in charge of the service side of the job.
What a nut job
Definitely メンヘラ
Yeah, this was a temper tantrum. You replied calmer than I would have since my tolerance for this only extends to children under 7.
The man feels like his level is regressing. Since he’s been doing the same topics for 10 years his vocab is based on 10 years of habit.
It might be important to remember that you are supposed to be in a position of authority. So responding firmly to this kind of outburst might be a good way to set the tone.
I’ve never had an adult lose their shit on me, but I have had a boss tell me to do A in class and it falls fucking flat. In front of parents too. Then tried to blame me for it. I told her we should do something fun instead. I ended up not asking for my contract to be renewed. I got another job.
I think you should consider if you want to continue working at this place if this is how it’s going to be.
Hate to say it but you messed up by replying to him logically and clearly. It should be how it’s done tho. He was having a tantrum. He’s also a doctor. He 100% understands the situation. You explaining it clearly to him made him feel embarrassed and look dumb in front of the other student. In a situation like this, the proper (Japanese) way to handle it is:
“We’re sorry for the inconvenience, this is how it is now for everyone” and you just repeat that after he gives you a break to speak.
Again, I’m not saying it’s the best way (I hate it) but that’s how it’s done here. Don’t ever expect your boss to do anything in your favor if it’s a customer/money on the line.
Sounds like old buddy is about to get hella toxic and the school won’t do much. I’d start looking at documentation or exit plans
For your own safety DO NOT teach him again. If your boss says anything go to the labor board.
Also I would strongly suggest to your boss that the other student gets at least a month of free lessons.
Apart from this situation which is far from ideal, your gig sounds pretty darn fun. Could you message me privately the details as I would genuinely love to be doing what you do.
You’re very lucky your boss even defended you at EIKAIWA. At my old school before I became an ALT, I would have been strung to the wall even if the manager had said that.
If he were my regular student, i would’ve told him to quit at the first hint of him being angry/disrespectful.
You can tell your boss you’re not teaching him again without him giving you a formal apology. There are no other teachers that can teach him?
Or tell your boss his mental health and erratic behavior might have driven off one student already and will surely make students quit in the future, losing your boss money.
Honestly if that’s his worst, i imagine his regular behavior is subtly/subconsciously driving away students already.
[deleted]
I am sorry you had to deal with this creepy misogynist. You have no obligation to put up with anyone’s BS. I stress the fact that your boss has the responsibility to ensure that you have a safe work environment. It’s literally required by law. You should not be exposed to aggressive behaviour, the labour laws are by your side. I would refuse to teach this student again.
Yeah, I’ve had a few students who really should be in private lessons, but for various reasons aren’t – often because of money.
I still personally feel bad about the one lady with schizophrenia I had – her voices were clearly female Japanese speakers. When it was me (a female teacher she thought couldn’t speak Japanese) and other male students, she was fine. She could clearly tell that the voices she was hearing weren’t real and have a good class. When there were female Japanese students in the class? It got really tough. She would turn to them randomly and say like “why would you say something like that?” Or “stop calling me that!” Etc when they hadn’t said anything at all. After one such class with a very new student who was clearly very freaked out by being accused of saying things she hadn’t said, my manager told that lady she either needed to take a private lesson or quit. She couldn’t afford a private lesson, so she quit but not before being loudly upset about the situation.
Anyway, I think probably your manager should give this guy a similar ultimatum – especially if his behaviour made another student uncomfortable. If he’ll pay more for a private class to get exactly what he wants, fine. If he leaves, fine.
Please provide us with an update on this in the future!!
BOSS’S decision!
It sounds like one story each class now needs to be on gender equality in the workplace, economic sanctions imposed by courts or government agencies against private business for allowing a hostile or discriminatory culture, or mental health and the importance of setting firm boundaries and expectations for how you will allow others to treat you…
People actually WANT to listen to the BBC .🤔😂
Keep track of any negative effects this student causes to other students and report them to the boss. This is the only thing the boss will care about – unless/until this selfish baby causes an actual loss of money, the likelihood is that the boss will just be a worm in front of him, trying to keep him paying without catering to his specific needs (and rightly so).
Easy solution…find the hardest political topic you can from the BBC news website…..ask the most ridiculously hardest questions all at him. Then when he can’t answer ….just keep going lol if other students drop out, then so be it. It’s all on him.
You or your boss (depending on proper channels) should escalate this incident to some sort of a higher-up or head office.
Every so often in our school meetings, we recall and discuss about black listed students. Lol.
I’d say you should talk with your boss about instituting a three strike policy with him. Like first time, fine, pretend nothing’s happened. Second time, bring it up to him that you’re not gonna be spoken to like that. Third time, get rid of him.
Like that’s genuinely shockingly inappropriate behaviour for anyone to do in a lesson. Let alone a 55 year old. If he wants to continue learning stuff that pertain to his interests he can go out and find them himself, he’s a big boy now.
If you want a good way to phrase it to your boss, he’s making other students uncomfortable. If this behaviour continues from him you’re gonna risk losing more students and at that point it’s just not worth keeping someone that volatile around.
My take on this, from the information provided, is that this guy, a 55 year old surgeon who’s been doing the same thing for *10* years is set in his routine. This is part of who he is, in his own mind. He can’t accept change, and he can’t yell at your boss because somewhere he knows that would end badly.
So yelling at you because of the change in his routine is the next best thing. It’s not right but I think it’s just part of the nature of this fellow. When was the last time he didn’t get his way on something like this? Maybe 20 or 30 years ago? It’s probably a shock.
Telling your boss about it and how it affected the other customer would probably be a good way to work it out. Good luck!
I’ll give a different answer, just because others have covered other good options.
Instead of using comprehension questions, which is like giving him a test every time, use a different style of teaching. You should scaffold it more so that he doesn’t feel he has failed. Feeling like he is a failure is why he is getting angry.
As an example, do more before-listening tasks to get him thinking about the topic, help him recognize the vocabulary, look at discourse structure so he can imagine the order of events, and then listen for gist.
Ask him “what did you hear” instead of “did you hear X”. Get him to summarize what he understood, then play it again and see if he can pick up more items. You can do this until he has understood 60-90%.
Finally let him see the script as he listens a final time, and then ask if he has any remaining questions.
Realistically, it’s a threat to business and that’s probably the best way to look at it. He’s not really getting a clue or getting the private lessons, yet he’s still complaining. This in return is making others worried, so I’d suggest you ask higher ups/your boss about the issue. Worst thing you can do is make a big scene about it and drag others into it. Just be calm, realize it’s not the individual but the actions that are the problem, get it resolved fast, move on.
This sounds like a surgeon i used to teach. He thought he was hot shit, but his English was fairly busted and no amount of “you got to fix tour shit” would change his attitude or approach to improving his English.