My company is offering to relocate me to Japan to manage part of an office which is a wonderful career opportunity but I am worried about what my sex life will be like or if it will even exist.
I was born male and presented that way most of my life up to divorce. I identify as more non binary now and I’ve begun wearing more women’s clothing and makeup. Not trying to pass though but you can tell it’s not a traditional guy look. Sexually, I am bisexual and very much a bottom with guys. I feel like in Japan… I am not sure how that will be received. I am a 6’5 dude who’d be out wearing female-y clothing and wanting to hook up with guys. Not sure how many local women are attracted to bisexual men either.
Obviously not looking for relationships because it’s a temp assignment while they get off the ground and I am just also not ready for another long term.
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This is a copy of your post for archive/search purposes.
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**Need help navigating Japan as non-binary, bisexual**
My company is offering to relocate me to Japan to manage part of an office which is a wonderful career opportunity but I am worried about what my sex life will be like or if it will even exist.
I was born male and presented that way most of my life up to divorce. I identify as more non binary now and I’ve begun wearing more women’s clothing and makeup. Not trying to pass though but you can tell it’s not a traditional guy look. Sexually, I am bisexual and very much a bottom with guys. I feel like in Japan… I am not sure how that will be received. I am a 6’5 dude who’d be out wearing female-y clothing and wanting to hook up with guys. Not sure how many local women are attracted to bisexual men either.
Obviously not looking for relationships because it’s a temp assignment while they get off the ground and I am just also not ready for another long term.
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Many non-heterosexual men, women and non-binary people will present themselves as cis-hetero-normative because of the potential issues like bullying, being ostracize/ignored in the workplace and in public.
You may find communities are that are accepting of your sexuality/gender but those have to be found and aren’t always visible if you don’t know where to look.
“Being true to oneself and not hiding” flies in the face of the general culture of self-restraint, not sticking out or making waves in Japanese culture.
If you will be around Tokyo, there is Shinjuku ni Chome and there are loads of lgbt folk there. From what I have heard from gay friends, their sex life is as active if not more here. Have fun live life get the apps people use to hook up if that’s what you want to do.
As for the makeup comment, plenty of men here wear makeup. Some cross dress some just want to even out their skin tone and make their features pop.
I’m not really sure why this post is marked “NSFW” but hopefully I can provide a general overview… with the caveat that these are just generalities and so much will depend on your particular situation.
1) What fashion is acceptable during work will depend entirely on your company. No one will really care what you are doing outside of work (assuming you don’t do something stupid and end up in the news), though of course if it is a fairly conservative place there may be rumors. Relatively “androgyneous” (from a Western perspective) fashion is not uncommon.
2) In general, most people are not particularly open with regards to their sexuality in the workplace (or school). However this is also very dependant on workplace (or school). It’s also probably fair to say that, compared to 20 years ago, there are far more people willing to be openly gay in the workplace now. However general understanding about the idea of being gay (and the difference between that and being transgender) is, on average, probably far lower than what you are used to. In general social awareness is generally far greater, but lots of people still don’t understand the details.
3) I don’t think being a “bottom” with guys will have any impact on your workplace. Because you shouldn’t be discussing that in the workplace. In your personal life you are free to have as many casual encounters as you want.
Gay guy here, so I don’t really have insight into women’s POV, but there are trans/queer spaces both in Shinjuku nichome (traditionally Tokyo’s “gay district”), as well as e.g. Gold Finger, a lesbian bar in nichome that is also open to non-binary folks one night a week (I forget if it’s Sat or Sun). There are also queer groups online you can find on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com), instagram, etc – e.g. Tokyo Queer Collective, among others. And there’s Pride House Tokyo, a chill queer hangout/cafe space.
If you’re not planning on being in Tokyo, I don’t really know anything about the queer scene in other parts of Japan, but like any country/city, it isn’t a monolith, and there are going to be people both friendly and unfriendly. You can always get on all the usual apps, there’s also 9 Monsters, the most popular gay app for meeting folks (edit: in Japan), but people also use all the usual ones too.
There is a little bit more awareness of non-binary/trans folks in Japan now than there used to be, but it progresses little by little. You’re also more likely to get a pass as a foreigner from Japanese folks because it seems like many people just think anything we do might just be normal in whatever place we come from lol. My partner is NB, and if we ever poke our heads into a women’s clothing shop, people are always very friendly and encouraging them to try their clothes on. So, you should be fine.