**tl;dr: I am having a** ***pretty*** **good time here.**
I have spent 541 consecutive days in Japan.
I live in Tokyo. Sometimes more so, sometimes less so, this place is starting to feel like home. A few months ago, it started feeling weird to call the last country I was in “home”. A few months before that, I remember coming home on a late, hot, late summer night and thinking “I’m *home*” for the first time. Somewhere in-between, I remember seeing the thumbnail on an article and *knowing* that I was looking at Kagurazaka. I’m at home, and I’m increasingly feeling *at home*.
I work in Tokyo. I have had my soul crushed and cubed and stretched. I work at a gaishikei, but I really feel like it marries the worst parts of foreign and Japanese cultures. Today, sitting in the lunchroom, I realized that part of what happened to me is textbook pawahara – or it would be, if any of my textbooks *had* explained pawahara.
I’ve made some friends: kind, principled people. But also some I couldn’t make in my home country. People with whom I am diametrically opposed to politically, but also share a deep resonance. Some of them have been from chance encounters, when I’m in *my kind* of spaces. Most of them have been from work. None of them have been from the hobbies I translated over. A couple of them are among my closest, dearest friends.
It’s been fun. I have learned ten thousand eight hundred things. All of those things are Japanese. Most of those things are also *in* Japanese. Many of those things are kanji. The sun setting on Izu beach. The quiet of Tokyo at 4am. Towadakohan with, and without, snow. The crushing feel of a 300% capacity yamanote car. The crushing *smell* of a 300% capacity yamanote car. The dignified resolve of a 990-person town. How to register for something. How to register for a registration voucher for something. Where to register to be notified of the ability to register for a registration voucher for something.
It’s been hard. I hear unkind things every day, and some days, they are directed towards me. The hostile stares, sure, but so many other microaggressions: the sudden emergence of katakana words, the complete disregard by shop owners, the suspicion, the fear. The occasionally-hilarious awkward contortions to show me the total on a device. I feel frequently reminded that, in the world of humans = Japanese, to be *other* than Japanese is to be *other* than human.
Countering this: I know that I have people who see me for me. I am no stranger to found family. I know the feeling when I find *my people*. Those to whom I am EloElle, the perspicacious, loquacious, dumbass human person. Before I found those bonds, the pressures here were tearing me apart. With them, I feel more capable than ever before of growth.
I gained 5kg. I no longer constantly compare things to where I grew up, to where I was before – it’s like twice a week now, tops. I think about other people more: in many ways I am proud of, and some I am not. When I first moved here, I felt pity for the sex workers, felt unease about the systems and culture that led to them being there. Today, I didn’t even register them as I walked home from the station. They were there long before I came. They will be there long after I am gone.
Until then, I am here, in Tokyo. In a life shaped by factors in and out of my control. Awaiting PR applications, grad school applications, policy reforms. Squeezed by bureaucracies and societies and hugs from friends.
I look forward to seeing who I will be.
PS: This got away from me a little bit! I hope it entertains, or is at least a little different from the usual post.
42 comments
Ok.
Cool story bro
Glad to hear that OP! I hope you’re not stressing yourself too much though!
Kudos on the rare rambling introspective rant that is actually really quite well written.
Sorry this is going to sound mean, but what’s the point of this post?
Everyone in this sub (supposedly) lives here and your musings aren’t mind-blowingly unique or anything. Did you just kinda want to write a blog post?
This post made me wonder how many days I’ve been in Japan more than anything haha. (Turns out it’s 2629! Whew!)
To be honest, it’s much more pleasant to read a normal and straightforward life story like this than strange and unusual rants.
I came here for “just 6 months” 25 years ago and am still here.
I’m amazed at how fucking bitter people is at this sub.
Enjoyed that, thanks for sharing. Ignore the hungry, they’ll be gorging on another divorce thread soon enough.
You have a way with words my friend.
Fuck the haters here. Good for you OP. I also like reading about other peoples personal experience so bonus point to you for that.
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300% capacity Yamanote-sen sounds life-changing.
i remember my 1st time on the last s/b Tokaido-honsen on a Sat nite. silly me, had a newspaper open as the rush of humanity poured in at Shinagawa-eki. trying to find my overnight bag with my left foot cuz there wuz no way to even look down and search.
Thanks for posting. It’s interesting to read people’s perspectives.
One thing you lost me with though is the microaggressions paragraph. In 7 years in Japan I’ve only experienced something like a hostile stare or unkind words directed at me around 5 to 10 times. Likely about the same as the average Japanese person has experienced in Japan.
I don’t even know what the “complete disregard by shop owners” even means. And honestly find “humans = Japanese” to be a bit offensive as it insinuates the majority of the population is the dictionary definition of racist – which isn’t even close to true.
I think the rest is fun to read. But think that one paragraph could use more introspection. Are people staring at you because you’re a foreigner – or do you feel like people are staring at you because of insecurity?
Man, a lot of the replies to this post are just vile. Like I get if they don’t like this sort of content, it isn’t for everyone. But the number of just straight up asshole comments, wtf!? Just downvote and move on if this isn’t what you want.
Anyway, good post, well written, and I feel the vibe. I accidentally immigrated. Or is it emigrated? I am not sure which verb best describes my journey, lol.
But yeah, we are all on a journey. Especially those of us who ended up staying just a bit longer than we intended. And one last thing I want to emphasize again: your post was VERY well written!
Felt like the beginning of an interesting book. Wish you all the best.
This post made me count how many days I spent in Japan: 1,460.
Thanks for this post, OP. I miss that place every day, and I could really relate to a lot of what was said here.
Cheers.
For the rules and manners of Japan’s society, I did follow it as much as I could.
As I followed the rules and observed the people, I realized that a majority of people only cares when they’re in a public setting. In private, their true nature comes out. Sometimes they’re pleasant… and sometimes really not pleasant. Just like people from other countries.
When I realized this, I questioned if I needed to follow these social rules. I started to study what Japanese people thought of the social rules, the labor laws, other general laws, and what human rights everyone is entitled to in each country.
After questioning the system and studying, i realized that everything goes. So long as it’s not a crime or illegal, I had more power than my employers or my strict neighbors.
Now anytime a Japanese person tells me I should follow the rules, I either respond with; “Who made that rule? I didn’t agree to follow it. You guys did” or “So… am I breaking the law?” And nothing happens because escalating the issue any further wouldn’t be any beneficial for them.
Even in the off chance it does escalate, I would be protected from Japanese law.
It was a huge weight off my shoulders and felt more freeing.
Of course, I don’t go out of my way to ruin someone’s day or think I’m free from consequences. If I offended someone, I apologize. If someone asks for help( not demand for help) , I do what I can. If I broke every one of the company policies and/ or Japanese social rules, I deal with it while respecting mine and other people’s human rights.
This is really wonderful. I think cumulatively I’ve been in Japan maybe two of the last eight years (I do a lot of variable length work contracts), and a lot of this really resonated. In a place where sometimes you can feel a little alone- this makes me feel just a little less.
I’m 13 years here in Japan, mostly Tokyo, and a small year stint down south in Kyushu for high school. This was a beautifully worded post and I felt most of it!
Be no stranger to your found family and keep up the hard work you’ve been doing!
Dayum, you win Best Post today. Loved it. Thank you for sharing. I could picture and smell and hear the Japan of your world
>I feel frequently reminded that, in the world of humans = Japanese, to be other than Japanese is to be other than human.
Until 違う ceases to mean both “different” and “wrong” perhaps this issue will always be around…
Enjoyed it & I’m one of the longer stay folks. Having lived in Africa I was a lot less self-conscious about sticking out than most gaijin. I might suggest that you consider moving – I haven’t seen a sex worker in ages (used to work in Roppongi & massage ladies were still out in early AM) and I’ve never seen one on my way home.
Sir this is a Wendy’s
In a nutshell, this is what your post reminds me of….Some time ago I visited a ramen-ya. At the time it was empty. I finished my ramen and started reading my Kindle, ordering a few beers along the way. During this time a few people came in, ate, and left…and as time wore on the place became about 60% full. The cook came over to me and….I THOUGHT he asked me to leave to clear up more seats. I was a bit pissed but I realized that because ramen is so inexpensive, these shops need a turnaround to make money. Then the thought occurred to me that I might have misunderstood him. This event isn’t as melodramatic as yours, and I like your writing style….but do you see the similarities?
Congrats on passing the threshold that most of non natives flee from. After 5-10 more years give or take, you will stop caring about stares and opinions of your differentness. It’s a known cycle that you are just starting. If I have one advice, it is to make life changes so that you never have to use trains again. Your life will be infinitely better for it.
> I work at a gaishikei, but I really feel like it marries the worst parts of foreign and Japanese cultures.
Ha ha. Yes. There are some dog shit gaishikei out there. My theory is beggars can’t be choosers. If the gaishikei need foreign language speakers you have a really small talent pool. You’re often left with Taro “call me Tommy” Tominaga who grew up stateside and is in love with himself. And a bunch of ex-JET who whist earnest have no actual working experience beyond teaching and maybe working at the first Japanese company that gave them a job.
I’m not saying these people wouldn’t get the job they currently have if they were applying back at head office. Ok. I am. That’s exactly what I’m saying. And if the local leadership sucks it will suck as they’ll set the tone, be involved in recruitment, etc.
Better than “oh boy, another divorce. How do I avoid giving my wife and kid money?”.
Glad you found home
3,701 days for me. The better part of my life. Japan is my home.
I couldn’t see myself living anywhere else. Tokyo’s urban sprawl is unparalleled in convenience while also undeniably offering beautiful parks mixed in between too busy chaos of it all.
I used to get caught up with the few and far between instances of you’re not Japanese however I largely find that to be untrue it longer I’ve been here. When I stopped trying to fit in, Japanese people became more accepting. Most of them value the independence of people from Western cultures.
The registration to be able to register for a registration, yeah that’s Japan. It does provide a sense of transparency in many situations especially when it can be difficult for many people to share limited resources.
I think the only real negative experience I’ve had here was at a dog run. I had accidentally let my dog into the small dog section rather than the large dog section. The owners of this little rat, sorry Chihuahua, who weren’t even using the dog run called the Park Police. Who then had a Field Day explaining to The Foreigner that it was strictly prohibited to use the small dog area for larger dogs.
So yeah sometimes the pettiness of individuals can be frustrating but I don’t think that’s strictly a Japanese thing. It’s more of these days people who have nothing better to do than inconvenience other thing.
So I’m going to keep riding my motorcycle, heading to izakayas, camping on the weekends, and enjoying the fact that Tokyo Disneyland isn’t actually in Tokyo, yet Is only an hour away.
You sound like a nice, circumspect person to chill with
I really like this. Thank you for posting!
Well written! Thank you for sharing with us
Today is my 1,485th day in Japan, minus 11 days I went back to my home country last new years.
Despite all the complains I’ve had, I’m enjoying my life here so far. Going home on time every day. Paid more than enough to live comfortably, go on a trip or buy things I want on a whim, but still save money regularly. Few good friends (still wish I have more), this country is a hobbyist haven, food is great.
Sure, there’s a lot of room for improvement, but no country’s perfect, and after all has been said and done I’m enjoying my time here more than I initially thought I’ll be.
Thanks OP.
After 5 years living here I’ve built a somewhat seemingly stable foundation in the outward eyes. I do feel bitter sometimes and would like quite a few things here to change, but then I always remind myself that I could have done much worse in my home country 😞
What is your age, if I may ask? 🙏🏻
If you’re getting harassed at work every day, or overhearing others get harassed (also damaging!) I think you should look for another job.
Setting is fine, but you can work on characterization.
500 days gang and enjoying life here too despite the difficulties 🤚
> People with whom I am diametrically opposed to politically
This is so refreshing to me and one of the major benefits of living in Japan.
You can be close friends with people who you disagree with on political issues.
It’s because Japan is much more flexible and forgiving about ideologies. Religion is a very organic, adaptive thing here, with Shinto shrines, Buddhist temples, and Christian churches often occupying the same site. So it’s rare to encounter people who will mark you as an enemy simply because you believe differently than they do.
Sometimes they’re even willing to discuss the differences with you directly, or it might be agreed not to go there. Or you might just have to nod and listen politely when they decide it’s time to rant.
But you can still get along.
One acquaintance I have, who I like quite a bit as a person, is a former head priest at a rather famous Shinto shrine who is very well known for his hard right statements in the media, which I generally disagree with. But he’s also a giving, considerate person who, in private, says things that are much more liberal and understanding and he’s more interested in people getting along despite differences than trying to force his own opinions on everyone. It’s just that he’s not afraid to loudly express his opinions when asked. In the US I’d want to distance myself from someone like him, or I’d have to, but in Japan we can get along famously.
OP is probably the most mentally healthy immigrant in all of Asia lol.
Edit: They see the good, they see the bad, and they make an informed decision to continue loving the place. It’s not a compromise, it’s that the good outweighs the bad.
Good one. While I was initially put off by the flowery prose, the message does resonate with me.
I’ve been here for 448 days, give or take, and it’s slowly becoming home for me too, which is a wild thought. Tokyo is just an endless source of wonder for me. It’s probably a childish way of looking at it, but it’s just so amusing to me that Tokyo is the center stage of so much of the media I consume, and now it is actually part of my life, and I can just walk from my home for an hour or two and be right in the middle of some incredible, historic, trendy locale.
I have also become much more active and outgoing since moving here, in large part due to just how fun it is to explore this monster megalopolis. I’m a homebody, and I used to go an entire week without leaving the house, partly because it was a bit too dangerous to just go roaming.
If anything, I feel like the worst part of living in Japan has been… getting used to it. The most mundane things used to fascinate me, like the distinct architecture of random residential streets, those cinder blocks with little flowery patterns, the streets without curbs and ramen shops with 4 seats, and now I still find them cool, but when you’re surrounded by it and seeing it every day, you have to consciously look out for the beauty of it, before you settle into the worker drone routine.
With no much negativity on this subreddit, it’s refreshing to see something like this! Thank you for posting and I hope things keep going well for you 🙂