First of all please excuse my English
I don’t know what to do and I need help
Today I went to a nomikai with my boss, we went to nomikai alone together before and nothing never happened
Today he said he wanted to go karaoke and I really didn’t want to go but he said it was just for 30 minutes, since I wanted to mantain a nice relationship with him I just said okay
But instead he bought to a love hotel and tried hitting on me, I’m safe and I left as soon as he touched me but now I don’t know what to do
Of course I want to give my resignations, but I don’t know how, I don’t know how I should act on Monday, I don’t know if I should sue(it’s not the right word but bear with me) since he’s the managing director of the whole company, I don’t know if I should tell the HR about it and if he would believe me
I also need this job, the pay is “good” and I don’t have any particular skills so I don’t know if I’d be able to find another job easily (yeah so basically I was hired just because he liked me, not because he wanted to give me a choice and teach me the job)
I just moved so I’m also kinda low on money and I will need a job that let me pays the rent
I feel like throwing up
Please, if anyone knows how what to do in these situations let me know
Edit: i dont know if sexual harrassment is the right term, my boss is way older than me, has a wife and children, he took me to a love hotel claiming we were just going to a karaoke and touched me, even if it might not technically be sexual harrassment, it still doesn’t sit right with me…
23 comments
It may be reasonable to bring this up to him directly, saying you’re not interested in that kind of relationship and hope to maintain good professional relationship.
Monday: most likely the perv will want to pretend that nothing happened.
In general : having a confidante in HR may be a good idea, see if you can find someone trustworthy among women. It’s rather likely that the perv tried this before, and thus people know…
A bit longer term: Hello Work, or a lawyer, or if you’re earning little hoeterasu who will set you up with a lawyer.
Resignation is probably the worst outcome… getting paid to resign is better. I’m not sure what’s best.
Since you have your socials attached to this account, I would suggest deleting this post and using a throwaway account.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
Very tough situation. Clearly the ideal move would be for you to get out of this job as soon as possible, but that’s easier said than done, especially in the financial situation you brought up.
Start looking for other jobs, that’s a given. If you can handle the situation stay there until they fire you and you can collect unemployment right away.
Can you sue him/company? I’m not a lawyer, but it seems to me that this happened outside your workplace, and nobody really forced you. I’m not blaming you, just going on based on what you wrote. You clearly need to work on setting/keeping boundaries in the future. This could’ve been avoided.
You could try going to a psychiatrist and maybe he could set you up to take a paid (like 60%) leave for a while. I don’t have first hand experience with this, but I know people that did this for different reasons, so yeah, it’s an option.
As I said, if you can handle it, you could go back to work as usual and wait until they fire you. Take a lot of evidences of whatever they do to you. If they say things related to your work duties, don’t let it end on spoken word, request things in writing. Also, going forward don’t sign anything, no matter what.
Please remember that HR is there to protect the company, not you.
Also, I would need to notify the HR about my new address, are such informations keep private or can my boss access to my address? I would like to avoid any bad outcomings in the future once I give my resignations
I’m not sure you’re going to want to hear this, but I don’t see any sexual harassment in what you’ve described here. At least not *yet*. You went out for one-on-one drinks with your boss before. He may have taken this as a go ahead that you were receptive to something more. He invited you out again and you went with him; whether he initially suggested karaoke or not, you went into a love hotel with him. He clearly wanted to be more than co-workers, proceed to hit on you, but you didn’t like it and left. So far there is nothing illegal or unethical about what has transpired.
Just make it clear to him next time you see him you aren’t interested. If he *then* keeps trying to ask you out or hit on you then it will constitute *repeated* and *unwelcome* behavior and would be considered sexual harassment. If he retaliates to your rejection by treating you differently and/or bullying you at work then it would constitute power harassment. If either of these happens raise it with HR.
Based on what you’ve written here though, there is no need for you to quit your job. Talk to your boss on Monday. If he treats you like a simple colleague afterwards, then that’s it.
If the job’s good , why don’t you just see how it goes. If he doesn’t mention it and you can carry on with a professional relationship and avoid nomikais it might work out ok. Also, why did you enter a love hotel with him?
Just tell him politelty no. He was drunk, he liked you he probably did not get sex from his wife for the last 5 years like most guys married to Japanese women..don’t quit the job unless you hate the postion, its not esy to get decent work for foreigners in Japan unless you are in high demand
After extended periods of frustrations and no sex, and a bit of alcohol most guys will be thinking with the wrong head that just how it is..
Its not like he raped you in a back street behind the love hotel either.
Next time he invites you to a nomikai just do what 99% of Japanese people do..make up some excuses and don’t go at all, after few times asking he will give up. This is how the politely refusing is done in Japan
You need to talk to a lawyer or other professional as soon as you can. If you can’t afford one, then I think there are options like 法テラス, and I think there are government agencies that give free advice about employment issues. If I were you I would either go in to work as normal on Monday while you get professional advice, or call in sick, but you need to get proper professional advice, not random reddit advice. I would not raise it with HR until you have taken proper advice – as others have mentioned, HR’s role is basically to protect the company from legal action; and I think you mentioned that the guy in question is the head honcho, so they are even less likely to be anything other than useless.
This sounds like an awful experience, and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. I hope things work out for you.
Some of the comments here are truly awful. This is textbook sexual harassment. Don’t let some of the deranged people make you doubt yourself OP!
I’m sorry this happened to you. Try to get camera footage of you two close to or walking into the hotel. Also, get a lawyer and sue your boss / the company.
Brutally honest advice: have some self confidence. You have skills and you were hired because of it. You don’t owe anything from anyone. If you keep this low self confidence of yours thinking that you have no particular skills and you were just hired because he just liked you, well you will be always taken advantage by people, not just sexual harassment.
That being said, go and quit this job.
Why will you exchange your sanity for this job with this boss of yours?
Better be financially unstable than mentally unstable with this job.
After quitting this job, go to hellowork and receive unemployment benefits per month for 3 months.
Actually report this incident first to hellowork before quitting, you might get more, or go to free legal counseling in your ward office or other ward offices (they are very welcoming to foreigners even you’re not a resident of the said ward)
Then use unemployment benefits to rest and also job hunting. If you think you dont have enough skills then this is the time to work on it – if you’re Japanese is good, you can even attend hellowork seminars/training programs that they even give you extra allowance for attending on top of the unemployment benefits,.
I dont underestimate your fears, its valid, but think of the cost of staying in that job vs the new opportunities that might open for you if you quit
There are cameras freakin everywhere in Japan. Likely at or near the entrance to the live hotel.
Tell nobody at work. Yet.
1st. Lawyer up.
2nd. Complaint the the labor board.
3rd. With your attorney file a police report.
Whatever you do. Do not quit your job and move on. This guy will do it again to another female employee. Maybe even the one that replaces you.
You quit. You lose all your power.
Do not bring this to HR. Their first goal will be to make sure this never sees the light of day. Talk to a lawyer before doing anything
Your boss is a deceitful manipulative predator and you’re his target. He knows it’s hard for subordinates to say no to him. He knows he has the power to retaliate against you. Be aware that he may escalate the harassment.
Be careful when you’re at work. Don’t go in the bathroom alone, in empty rooms, or in the elevator alone with him where he could attack you. Carry around an alarm key chain everywhere (not buried deep in your bag, have it easily accessible to use at anytime).
Please DO NOT let this slide. You never know if he will make your work life hell after this incident even if you move on as if nothing happened. This is textbook sexual harassment. He touched you without consent and you left the room as you should have. You did nothing wrong and I’m terribly sorry this happened to you. Talk to the labor board and lawyer up, let them talk to HR on your behalf. File a police report and ask them to talk to the hotel for footage to use for evidence.
You did nothing wrong. Do not let this slide. Contrary to what you may heard or read online, Japan’s Labour Standards Bureau is well experienced and equipped to handle this matter for you. This is sexual harassment.
1. File a police report and ask them to withhold the CCTV footage from the hotel.
2. File a complaint to labor board and let them aware that you have filed a police report.
They will handle this matter for you. Follow their advice.
Sad but fair question, do you have any proof?
If you didn’t do something immediately or had a recording / evidence it’s going to be your word against his. Most likely as he is the leader and assuming you are not Japanese, any instance of retaliation he will win.
You can quit and apply else where – your experience at the company will
Probably be enough to land another similar role.
If you have the energy – you can hire a lawyer and go back to HR with that lawyer on Monday – don’t waste time.
Sorry you had this experience – so shit this has to be tolerate and that men think they can behave this way in Japan still.
Sorry to hear about your experience. Unfortunately it is all too common here at workplaces that superiors will try to use their power advantage to pressure younger subordinates to go out with them or sleep with them. It’s disgusting and pathetic.
You need evidence. Collect it before taking action. Otherwise it’s your word vs theirs
I know it’s not your fault, but there is always the risk that men will choose to misinterpret a situation romantically / sexually. I’m not blaming you, just being pragmatic by suggesting standing up for yourself from now on. Yes, this might upset your coworker, but it’s better than putting yourself in danger just to not upset him.
Duh, going to a love hotel and touched you.. of course it is sexual harrassment. It can even be called an assault if you prefer.
Just by saying sexual innuendos constitutes sexual harrassment, please bear it in mind.
You do not go with a co-worker alone and expect things to be okay.