Tagged NSFW because of topics of miscarriage.
So today is the day of my follow up. I’m sitting in the waiting room before being released for checkout as I type. I can’t focus on my book. I don’t want to be here. I want to be done. I want to be at school overseeing my 5th and 6th graders taking their written tests.
There are so many pregnant women here today, and it’s stressful. That should be me. I should be here for a check up on how my baby is growing. Not confirming that a month ago it fell out of my body because a heart didn’t grow. I’m sad/angry/tired and it’s all enough that instead of intensely feeling everything, it’s like I’ve been filled with Novocaine. I feel it there. I know it’s there, but it’s pressure instead of pain. And like with Novocaine, I’m annoyed by the feeling. Like when your tongue feels too big for your mouth, but emotionally.
Thank you too the lovely people who told me to check into my insurance for a refund for these visits. I haven’t had the emotional bandwidth to do so yet, but I’m going to hopefully bring it up with my husband tonight.
So the doctor went into a little more detail about why I didn’t have a D&C. Apparently D&C is pretty standard, but because I didn’t come in immediately after, and because my body was doing the right things in a speedy, healthy way, a D&C wasn’t necessary by the time they saw me. Everything had mostly been expelled, and today everything looked back to normal (the trauma that the body goes through after birth was healed up) so it’s thankfully my last visit.
This has been …. Terrible. It’s been traumatic and painful and one of the worst experiences of my life, and I truly hope it doesn’t happen to anyone, but if you’re here because you need to know what happens know that
1. It isn’t your fault. I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. It isn’t your fault.
2. Call IMMEDIATELY. No, you really AREN’T overreacting.
3. Better to have it happen in Japan than in America. Not only from a non-judgy point of view, but also from a practical monetary point.
4. The hospital staff is so very supportive, respectful, and kind. They are very gentle, and they will truly look out for your best interest. Yes, you can listen to your doctor here.
5. Reddit has an excellent support community for miscarriage both in a subreddit and here in the Japan life community. They can help you get through this.
You’re a lovely community. I am in Iwate and not near Morioka, so if you have questions about Iwate countryside life, please let me know. Thank you for your support and kindness.
15 comments
> Call IMMEDIATELY. No, you really AREN’T overreacting
This is the most important part.
I often babble about people going to the hospital for shitty reasons, pregnancy is NOT a shitty reason, and even just stress can affect it.
Just go, get checked, and then feel better about your day!
There are so many variables you just cannot control, but it’s human to think you may be the reason something goes wrong, when the chances you are actually the reason are small…
It’s also important to find the right place for you. For medical reasons we had to change a few times of maternity, and foundout things goes wildly different depending on the location and head doc.
Iwate will soon turn into beautiful colors outside! Enjoy it
Remember that some research suggests that almost a third of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, and it’s even more common in the animal world. It’s a part of life. It may seem crushing and personal to you, but it’s something that billions of people have gone through in mankind’s existence, you you are not alone and many others have felt the same pain and moved on as you no doubt will.
My wife went through it twice. At least in Japan it’s treated as a medical and human occurrence, not a religious thing. I think they understand the nature of miscarriage as a common thing much better here, not that makes it hurt any less, but it can be viewed as a step on a path towards a baby, not on the same level as the death of a child as it is sometimes treated as in the west.
I better stop. Hope you get through it.
I’ve never had kids so I cannot even begin to know how you feel, but I’m sending support and good vibes your way! You have survived everything life has thrown at you so far and I know you can get through this, stay strong <3
Talking about my struggles with fertility to other women, I have heard so many stories, and it really helped me just knowing that most people did not have that pregnancy story that gets sold to you everywhere (pregnant on the first try, healthy pregnancy, glowing mom, lovely birth with bird song).
You got this <3
I have no actual information that can help you, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you have to go through this. I wish you a speedy recovery.
My baby will be born any day now (from my wife, not me) and your post reminds me how fortunate I am.
I’m sorry you’re going through what you are, but reading this has been another solid reminder that I need to be the best dad I can be. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this information. I think it’s super important for women but also men to read too as they support their partners through the process. Miscarriage can be a substantially worse experience in a country that you don’t speak the language natively. It’s something I don’t wish on anyone else but can happen to anyone.. and as someone pointed out already in the thread is statistically high enough to not rule out.. regardless of how optimized you are.
Hope you are staying strong and my thoughts are with ya!!
As a dad of two who learned a lot through supporting my wife this is great information for all.
I’m sorry you had to go through this.
I wish you a speedy recovery inside and out.
Yes, sitting in a waiting room trying to check out with a bunch of pregnant women around you is certainly not nice. Thankfully you’ll be out of there soon. At least you weren’t stuck in the maternity ward for a week, surrounded by them and their loud as hell fetal heart monitors blaring away all day and night, reminding you of what they’ve got and you don’t. If it wasn’t bad enough that I had a blighted ovum and was referred to the hospital for a D&C immediately, they did something that got me an infection and sent me right back to the hospital for an entire week. I have no idea why some genius thought it would be a good idea to stick someone who just lost her pregnancy in a room with 5 other women ready to pop, but it happened. Good ol’ Red Cross.
Hey there, I was in your shoes back in February. Going back to the hospital to make sure all of my baby’s remains had fallen out naturally felt really morbid (I did not need medical intervention like a D&C, everything, and I mean everything, started coming out on its own on a quiet 2:00 AM night). It was like all the things around me were in slow motion; seeing all of the pregnant women walking around me, women pushing their newborns in their carts to the lobby for hospitalization discharge, couples laughing together as they waited for their appointment times. I felt like I didn’t belong there. My husband’s expression was just as grim.
To my doctors’ and my own surprise, I got pregnant again a month later and am due near Christmas with a very “genki” baby boy as the doctors have been happpily and enthusiastically putting it.
I don’t know if you’re hoping to try again soon OP but I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through and I wish you absolutely the best. I sincerely empathize with the pain. The emptiness and confusion after a miscarriage is dreadful.
I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I was sadly unable to have children, and the two pregnancies I did have both ended in miscarriage. It truly is a painful and isolating experience, especially as it is such a taboo subject to bring up around others. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself the time and space you need to grieve.
They’re more common than people know. We had one/ my wife, nothing we could have done to prevent it . Not anyone’s fault.
Sorry for your loss, none should ever experience it. From my own personal experience; I had 4 losses (including one late pregnancy loss) in the space of just over 12 months. It was tough, I did go on to having 2 beautiful girls after my losses. Be kind and take care of yourself.
Oh goodness I’m so so so sorry for your losses. I’m glad you got your girls. Be kind to yourself, too
I’m sorry to hear that