So, last night on my way home from work around 8pm, I was walking through my giant suburban apartment complex toward my building with my headphones in. I was reading an article on my phone, but out of the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed that someone was keeping pace with me on the sidewalk. At first I ignored, but he started waving at me, and I figured he wouldn’t just leave on his own, so I took one earbud out to confront him.
As I turned my head to face him as I kept walking, I saw that he was a foreigner, of likely Indian or Middle Eastern descent. Before he could even get a word out, I just said “You need to stop following me. I’m married. Leave me alone.” He sputtered a bit and seemed to try to say something as I was talking, but as soon as I said it, he just said sorry, and walked away.
Now, I have been accosted by all manner of men here in Japan (and back home), but have always had the experience that any man that flags down a woman at night in secluded areas does NOT have altruistic motives. It’s ALWAYS been them trying to pick me up in some way.
I felt rattled as I walked the rest of the way home, and kept looking back to make sure he wasn’t following me, which he wasn’t, thankfully. I hadn’t had this kind of thing happen to me as much, as I’m getting older, and by now exude enough self-confidence to head these approaches off naturally, but having it happen after so long had me jumpy.
I started reflecting on it, and I wondered if maybe he needed some help, or was lost, and I had been very brisk and harsh with him. But I reasoned that it being a VERY residential area (no shops, restaurants, or bars of any kind, only mansion buildings as far as the eye can see), very dark, and not much street lighting, I felt justified in my response.
My question is, is there any probable chance that I misinterpreted the situation, and verbally shanked a man for no reason? Or was my response 100% justified without even hearing what he wanted?
13 comments
Ya did good!
I would have done the same thing. Don’t feel guilty because it could have gone another way. Glad to know you’re safe! I carry a whistle and a pepper spray with me at all times because you’ll never know.
Nobody has any way of knowing. Either way, you are safe and he will probably get over it.
You could have dropped something, but he also could have been trying to pick you up.
Whatever it is, it obviously wasn’t important enough for him to persist, so it’s whatever.
As a man, I have to admit after reading the first two paragraphs I thought it sounded harsh.
After reading the third paragraph, no, you’re good. Maybe one of those “maybes” was true, but if they were he could easily find someone else. There’s no reason to put yourself in a uncomfortable, possibly dangerous, situation. If it was dire, he would have pressed pass your initial response.
I would have done the same thing. Like you said, I have never had a stranger guy stop me on the street for anything other than, at best, trying to chat me up and at worst trying to grab me. Or I guess trying to sell me something. Either way, no thanks.
No stranger is owed any of our time or attention.
I’ve never tried to hit on a woman on the street in my life believing it’s highly likely to be an unwanted and/or intimidating experience for the woman. If he’s looking for some sexy time then he can go to a bar like most other people.
You don’t owe him anything, and don’t let anyone guilt trip you. Women’s safety is more important than strangers’ feelings. A man who needs help can go to koban or at least a convenience store and he will not follow a lonely woman at dark.
Today is national holiday. Last night there were too many drunk people in my neighborhood. Unfortunately I was followed by a Japanese man too. He seemed drunk and a bit confused, lingered around a bit in front of the apartment entrance and went back. Fridays and weekdays before national holidays are the worst, people drink a lot and chances are higher that you’ll be harassed
Walking home alone late at night? In that situation, you go ahead and do whatever you have to do to feel safe, and don’t second guess it. You good.
Trust your gut, you did well. No such thing as being too cautious.
“Excuse me. You dropped this…”
“I’m married. Leave me alone.”
“…a foreigner, of likely Indian or Middle Eastern descent.”
I wonder why this detail was considered important enough to include. Brown man = scary? Couldn’t this story have been told without mentioning ethnicity? What additional value did this add to the story? Nothing was mentioned about age or clothing.
The last time I tried to flag down a random stranger in Japan for directions was back before everybody had GPS in their pockets. She still brushed me off (and gave less context for her brush-off than you did).
I guess what I’m saying is that while none of us can 100% rule out that you didn’t come to the wrong conclusion about what he was trying to do, your reaction was not even the slightest bit unusual by local standards.