I (25F) am an Australian traveling to Japan in about 3 weeks with my sister (23F) and friend (26F). The first two days of our trip will be spent in the city that I previously visited for a school language trip (9 years ago) and a subsequent 2-month long exchange (8 years ago). I haven’t visited Japan or seen my host family since, except for my host sister who visited and stayed at my house in Australia a few years back.
My host family are GORGEOUS people, especially my host mum, who is so so generous with her time, kindness, and money. I have kept in touch with my host mum and sister over the last 8 years, and they have always asked when I am coming back to Japan as they wish to see me!
So, I messaged my host mum letting her know I’ll be in their city later this month. She replied that she would of course like to meet me when I am there! I let her know the approx. location of our hotel so we could meet nearby but she sent this reply:
\[my name\]と、\[my sister’s name\]と、
ともだちの3人で来るなら
小さな部屋ですが
わたしのいえに3人で
泊まってもいいよ♡
ホテル、キャンセルできるかな？
She doesn’t speak English and it’s been a long while since I’ve formally studied Japanese. I understand the literal English translation of what she is saying, but my question pertains to the nuances of Japanese culture and the expectations around politely accepting/declining offers.
Would it be rude to accept her offer? Does she feel obliged to offer and actually expects me to decline? I don’t want to be a hassle or a bother to her and make her feel as if she has to rearrange her life to accommodate us for these two days that we are in her city. On the other hand, would it be rude to decline her offer? I would not want to come across as ungrateful or “too good” to stay at her house. Her mention of wondering if we can cancel the hotel comes across as if she genuinely wants us to stay at her place. It is possible to cancel our hotel booking up until the day before without a cancellation fee so that doesn’t factor into the equation. It would of course be an incredible experience to stay at their house again and would bring back so many memories and emotions for myself, and allow for us to spend some quality time together.
I’m torn. If anyone has any cultural context they could offer me or suggestions for how to word my reply I would be very appreciative!
6 comments
I have no idea, but I’m also really interested to know! I’ve been in some similar situations with Japanese people and I never quite know what is the appropriate way to respond 😅
Say the hotel cannot be cancel and that you will be charged a 100%.
You can also say that you have some kind of appointment early in the morning near the hotel. Even if she figures out that it’s not true, Japanese people understand that you are trying not to hurt their feelings.
I’d say it’s ok to stay as from my experience Japanese people seem to enjoy hosting foreigners in their home. I’d just make sure to bring an appropriate gift as well as show your appreciation and gratitude.
As a Japanese person, I can surely say if you want to save money and your sister and your friend don’t mind, you can accept her offer. Japanese people who want to be a host family REALLY love to communicate with foreigners, especially people from the West, so much, so she’s just offering you free accommodation.
Her offer is concrete, and she also suggests that you cancel your hotel, which means she is seriously making this offer. You don’t need to worry about it.
However, you can also politely decline if your sister and your friend don’t feel comfortable staying there, saying, ‘すでにホテルにお金を払っていてできればお金は無駄にしたくないです。そう言ってくれて嬉しいけど予定通りホテルに泊まろうと思います。もうすぐ会えるのが楽しみです。(I’ve already paid and don’t want to waste my money. Thank you for the offer, but we’re going to stay at the hotel as planned. I hope to see you again soon.)’
It won’t be rude neither to accept nor to refuse. She wouldn’t offer you to stay “out of politeness” if she didn’t mean it, you’re probably seen as a sort of extended family because of your earlier stay. I don’t think you should read into it too much, if you want to stay with her, do it. If you decide to refuse though, just say something like would be wonderful and you really appreciate but you already have plans、but otherwise you’d be happy to meet, etc.
Japanese are not aliens, just plain being a decent person will work 🙂 Make sure to bring her some delicious omiyage from Oz.
Pro: you will experience again the best home life that they can provide, probably have some good natsukashii conversations
Pro/Con: they might plan your entire 2 days’ itinerary, leaving you no free time which could be a good or bad thing
Idea: splurge on gifts if you decide to take them up on the offer, as a form of repayment