So I met this guy at a university circle (not my university) for international exchange. He invited me to another event that his circle was holding so I went with him (we met at the train station and walked to his school together). Overall it was fine but I felt like he was trying to get physically close to me the whole time which I thought was a bit usual and aggressive since we still barely knew each other. We talked a little over Instagram but stopped talking for a few months.
He started to message me again saying he wanted to hang out so I said yes. I didn’t feel comfortable hanging out alone though so I invited him to an event my church was holding. Once again, overall it was fine but there were some things he did that I thought were a bit odd, like putting his earphones in to play music even though he was still with me and other people from the church? Anyways I decided I didn’t want to keep seeing him. He said he wanted to meet up again but I politely told him no and to please respect my decision. He asked why and I just said I didn’t think we had a lot in common. He then proceeded to get angry and message me awful things like, “I don’t give a fuck about respecting your decision,” etc.
At that point I stopped messaging him and blocked him on Instagram. But he showed up the next day at another church event, even though he knew I didn’t want to see him again. So I got really scared thinking he would try to do something like follow me home. He came again on Sunday, but fortunately I wasn’t there that day.
Then silence for about a month.
And now last night he somehow found my Line and messaged me “fuck you bitch.”
I didn’t want him to see I read it, so I didn’t officially open it. But now i’m getting more scared. I only met this guy 3 times and he’s saying these awful things to me. Right now it might just be aggressive messages but what if it escalates into something more? He knows the school I go to and the church I frequent. Plus it’s been over a month and he still hasn’t let the fact that I turned him down go? I never said anything nasty to him, I just didn’t want to waste his time by leading him on.
I told some of the people at church what he said to me, but I haven’t told my family yet because I don’t want to scare them. I don’t know if I should tell some of the leaders of his university circle?
I don’t want to assume all Japanese men are like this but it makes me scared thinking how fairly normal he seemed and now he’s messaging me these terrible things.
If anyone has any advice on what to do I would be very grateful. Thank you!
28 comments
You should start escalating to authorities at his school and if he continues to contact you, the police. Make sure your family knows too. It’s important to start a paper trail and start taking preventative measures like making sure he doesn’t find out where you live and that your circle doesn’t tell him anything about you in case he starts asking about you at your church or other mutuals. Don’t respond to anything he sends you but also don’t block him so that you have proof of his harassment.
Tell the police!
Take screenshots of the messages because you can delete messages on line!
damn, this guy is crazy. if you still have the text with him, take screenshots of them just to make sure you have the evidence that this guy is a psycho. then you should tell your family and report to the authorities whether it’s his uni or the police. i’m really sorry that you gotta get through all this because of this psycho but you need to prevent anything bad in the future from happening.
Report him to the police.
There are laws against this now.
Selfish men who don’t get what they want are like this.
Selfish PEOPLE who don’t get what they want are like this.
That man is like this. Go to the police.
Go to the police station and tell the leadership of whatever circles he’s part of.
I have a no contact order active against a stalker right now. I went to the police station for my city. You need to talk to detectives, not officers at a koban. It will take a few hours but you can get a no contact order as well. Please do not wait until this escalates. I did, out of fear that I was overreacting, and it ended up with me having to move apartments.
Edit: please message me if you need to talk to someone who’s been through this🤍
In addition to talking to the police, you should also talk to the leadership of the church. This guy is coming to the church to stalk you. Any decent church will ban a stalker from attending to protect the victim. If they are uncooperative with efforts to protect you, then stop going to that church.
Police (station,not koban) ASAP and then your university counselor.
Change your number and I don’t know your living situation but people there and at your church should know what he looks like.
And secrets from your folks are not good. Tell them and then tell them the steps you have taken so they can worry with some assurance
>I told some of the people at church what he said to me, but I haven’t told my family yet because I don’t want to scare them. I don’t know if I should tell some of the leaders of his university circle?
You should tell your parents, the leaders of his uni circle, the police, everyone you can think of. I’m being serious, if something were to happen to you then people will immediately know where to look. Sometimes when people go missing the police are just saying “Well maybe she just went to a friend’s house…” or “We are not aware of her being in trouble so we didn’t think to…” etc or even if they take it seriously they will waste time speaking to everyone asking if anyone was aware of anything strange and your family will say “No, she never told us anything.”. Don’t even warn the guy and give him the chance to do something before you talk, he’s past that point.
Some people cannot take any sort of rejection at all. Tell everyone about this. You won’t know if things escalate until they do, so best to nip it in the bud.
What a psycho, his actions scream future domestic violence
Damn I’m really sorry. It’s so sad that people like this exist. You’ll want to go to the top dogs of each of you connected establishments:
– police station (not Koban, like others have said)
– head of your church
– head of your international exchange department at university
– (if possible) a dean or someone of import at *his* university
Hope it amounts to nothing, but better to be safe than sorry.
Ignoring people like this often makes things worse because they will take further steps to “get your attention”. Stalking is illegal in japan so definitely not ok.
If you’re around Tokyo I could try to sort you out with a lawyer and detectives I know that live there (pm me if that’s the case)
There are incels in every country. If you feel threatened, document everything and show to the police.
There were plenty of helpful comments and I agree with them. You can most definitely bring this to the police and have it documented which will help if anything happens also they can give him warnings to stay away from you and proceed with further punishment if it escalates. In my brief encounters with Japanese police they have been super helpful with situations like this. I hope you stay safe and get out of this situation.
tell everyone what is happening, the more the better and the safer for you
Just FYI, there’s a setting in Line where people can’t message you unless they are added as a friend.
Block the guy and he’ll just be talking to a blank screen in the app. But screenshot everything up until now as evidence.
Escalate to authorities at school as others suggested and go to a police station (a proper one, not a koban) if it continues. Ask a Japanese-speaking friend to come with you and request a female detective to take your record. If you have a description of him and maybe a picture to provide to authorities later, that will help too.
I want to let you know also that not all Japanese men are like that, but there are bad people everywhere who can mask their toxicity.
None of it is your fault, don’t let anyone tell you that.
Op, Definitely do let your school administrator or someone know and definitely definitely go to the police station (Depot, not small koban). Better be safe than sorry especially in these matters.
Edit: Its really hard for Dumbo’s borderline psychos to understand in a patriarchal society so always use the resources to combat this.
Be safe out there!
1. tomorrow call the main police number and request a translator. Have them help you get in touch with whoever is in charge of stalking and online crime.
2. Be very clear that you’ve been threatened and you want to file a formal complaint. Do not seem wishy washy/etc. or they will spend all their time trying to assure you but kindly push you away from actually filing a formal complaint. Expect to have to make multiple visits to the police at different stations. To put this in perspective I was hit by a car in January, the police are pursuing charges against the kid (I would be but don’t need to since the police are), I have had to go give “evidence” at multiple police stations to multiple people etc. etc. etc. and I’m not the one doing it, this is normal here. They’ll try to dissuade you because formal complaints go on their performance reviews in a negative way (the easiest way to keep crime down is to keep it from being reported in a way that’s tracked).
2. print out all your interactions with him. Make copies. The fact they’re in the cyber crimes/stalking department doesn’t mean they can actually work a cell phone or computer. And you want hard copies of this regardless because otherwise you’ll probably be handing your phone over and do you really want to do that?.
>I don’t want to assume all Japanese men are like this but it makes me scared thinking how fairly normal he seemed and now he’s messaging me these terrible things.
5. Yeah, one more thing, cut the overly melodramatic bullshit. “all Japanese men are like this” – Jesus are you kidding me?
First of all, you need to let people at your Church and University and ESPECIALLY those with access to your personal details like your address, know what’s going on, that he’s stalking you and that not under any circumstances they should tell him anything about you. I would also be careful when you go home to make sure you’re not being followed. This might sound paranoid but as others have said, this guy sounds like a psychopath, better safe then sorry. Human memory becomes less reliable for memories very soon after things happen, so my advice would be to take a notebook, write down everything you remember about what happened before, even small seemingly random details and create a timeline. Continue to add information if stuff keeps happening and take screenshots of everything you can trace back from previous conversations. Get a personal alarm to carry with you, tell your family and as so many others have said here, go to the police ASAP.
This has nothing to do with him being Japanese, so don’t try to read into it and just call the police. Only psychopaths mess with the police in this country, and stalkers are pretty much never psychopathic. Once you put a no contact order on him, (you may not still feel safe,) but there’s basically a 0% chance that he’ll ever contact you or even try to look at you ever again.
Police already. 100 %.
They will take this serious as there have been some high profile cases where women were stalked and murdered.
The police were roasted as they told one women there was nothing they could do. She was murdered by the man stalking her.
They will take you serious and put a restraining order on that person bothering you.
Report everything asap and have paper trials of your reports. Anything that comes up again keep reporting it
Keep the phone log, tell the police!
NOW!
One day of “troublesome”, will save your life.
Why did u meet guy u just met three time?😂😂your fault to give mix signal to Japanese
I agree with a lot of people about telling your family and church and informing the police. You should also let your work know so that if someone calls asking for you or some guy comes in asking about you, they’ll know not to give information. If a stalker is determined enough, they’ll get as much information as they can from the church, people he thinks knows you, etc. Definitely take this seriously! He sounds unhinged and these situations can get out of hand quickly. I’m so so sorry this is happening to you. Be safe!!
Document EVERYTHING from him! Take photos of him in places that you know he shouldn’t be, but is (your church), screenshot any messages, emails or anything and take it to the police as evidence. You don’t want to became another news report because of a jaded stalker!